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Home Alone and how the McCalister's are the worst parents ever

Home Alone, the quintessential Christmas movie that never grows old.  Christmas Vacation and Home Alone are always battling against each other for more air time in our household starting on Thanksgiving. (Lets be honest. Thanksgiving is only to say Thanks that Christmas season has started!

As I am now in my 40s, God that's hard to say, and have a family of my own, I see Home Alone quite differently as I recall as a youth.  For one, Kevin McCalister's Mom and Dad are assholes. Like big smelly ones. They officially win the Worst Parent Award. They should be drinking out of World's Worst Mom/Dad coffee mugs with poopy faces and smug smiles. 

As an adult, I see Kevin as a bratty little kid who just wants to be loved. His parents are clearly not focused on him at all and only care about themselves. I mean who sits in first class eating caviar and stealing REAL silverware while 12 other kids are by themselves in random seats with random strangers on an 8hr flight from Chicago to Paris eating shitty crackers and peanuts with plastic utensils. The McCalister's thats who.

Kevin has 1 demand for pizza: plain cheese pizza. That's all the kid wanted. His mother should have saved a few slices for him on the side instead of allowing his fat ass piece of shit brother Buzz eat the last slice. After Kevin pushes Buzz and spills soda and milk everywhere, both kids should have gotten the blame for their actions -- not Kevin. Shame on you Bad Mom. 

The Dad should have punched his brother Frank in the face after calling his son a "little jerk". Who the fuck does he think he is!?  The Dad and Mom just stare at Kevin as if its true: he is a litte jerk. Asshole Kevin's Dad. 

To make matters worse, Kevin is then punished to go sleep upsairs where its scary. A little too late for an apology, I get it, but Mom should have been understanding of her son's wanted attention and the fact that her other fat ass son was teasing his little brother, something that probably happens all the time in which Buzz gets away with it. Instead of telling Kevin that families are important and how some children don't have families she simply rebuts with a "careful what you wish for" response. Mom of the year.

Then its the morning of the big trip in which Kevin is forgotten about. When your planning your next big trip to a foreign country, watch Home Alone. You will learn what NOT to do when planning your trip. 1) Always put backup batteries in the ONLY alarm clock set to wake you in the entire house 2) put important documents like passports in an area where they can be found easily and NOT the microwave  3) A responsible parent should have gathered up all the kids and did a headcount instead of relying on a bratty teenager. 4) A policeman comes to your door - whether he is a fraud or not - ask him for credentials and DO NOT let him stand in your house while you yell at your children. Show some respect for law enforcement. 5) Give the telephone people a couple extra bucks for all the hard work they did to ensure there is power for the upcoming Christmas holidays.  6) When running through an airport because your 1 alarm that you set did not go off when expected, always make sure your children are holding hands. Its called "Chain" and we do this when we cross the street. Why would you not do in a very busy airport with a lot of people.  7) Always make sure the parents hold the boarding pass and hand them to the children as they board the plane TOGETHER as a family! 8) NEVER EVER EVER sit in first class as your 37 children are in coach alone. 

When the Mom realizes she left her kid home and that she is an irresponsible piece of shit, she does what she can to get home as quick as possible. The father, well that is a different story. For some reason, he feels obliged to go to the hotel and make phone calls. Not only does he leave his son home alone, he is now leaving his wife home alone in the airport as he goes to relax in the hotel room. What an Asshole. 

When the Mom finally gets home, she walks in the house and smiles. Smiles! What?!  Kevin comes rushing down the stairs because he hears his Mom. He turns and she is smiling at him. Shouldn't she be running to him. Touching his face. Touching his hair. Looking over him, all over his body to make sure he is ok. Make sure there is no blood. Make sure he is alive and its real life and not a dream. This is your son that you just left home for a few days by himself! Show like you love the dam kid instead of that stupid smile. She does not even cry. Not a tear! Who are these barbarians!!!

It gets worse. The McCalister clan comes home immediately after the Mom. Buzz comes in first along with his brothers and sisters. They are all fighting. Dad comes in at the end yelling at them and immediately sees Kevin and gives him a hug.  As a Dad, my ass would have been the first one in that house, tears rolling down my face and in complete panic for uncertainty if I am coming home to my son laying dead on the floor. Instead, Mr McCalister comes in yelling at his kids and simply smiles and says Kevin to give him a hug. The sisters go hug the Mom - ya know the one that sucks at life - and never once do they hug Kevin. They don't even look at his direction. Buzz comes over and gives him his proud big brother speech of not "burning down the place" and gives him a man shake. What a fine moment indeed. Not. 

And just as you expect everyone to circle and hug Kevin asking him: were you scared alone? how did you do it? what did you eat? you must have been so scared and lonely, followed with a group chant of "OMG Kevin we are so sorry", no. Instead, the mother fucking Mom who reunited with her 8yr old son after 5 days of being alone says 

Well somone has to find an open store. We don't even have milk here

She had 5 days to think over  how bad of a Mom she is for leaving her 8yr old son home alone and after 2 minutes of reuniting with him this is what comes out of her mouth. 

And to think a year later they do it all over again!


No wonder Kevin grew up to be a pscyopath sadistic torturer killer

Happy New Year ya filthy animals


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