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Showing posts from 2019

3 simple chores in life that confuse me

There are some things in life that seem simple everyone can do. No questions asked. However, as good as I am at doing them, I still am not quite sure I am doing them well or even the correct way.

Here are 3 simple everyday things in life that I do but not sure correctly.

Filling the Dishwasher Seems simple. Nice try. Scholars and PHD students have written thesis on this topic: How to properly load a dishwasher. Nobody knows. And if you think you know, you dont. Why? Cause there is no dam manual for this shit. Just put xx on top rack and yy on bottom rack and squeeze all that shit in until it fits.

There is a bunch of poles that stick up in the air indicating that a plate or bowl or something should go there. Now in what order and how you do it to make it fit has challenged couples for years and even caused divorce in some — only an assumption.

I am pretty sure there are books out there on the correct process to load a dishwasher so that every item inside gets an equal balance of godlin…

Cinco de America

Imagine in Germany, every year on President’s Day, Germans celebrating American’s forefather’s birthday. Not only are they celebrating their birthdays but the birth of our country, our heritage, our freedom. 
Imagine these Germans drinking olde Ale and hazy IPAs out of giant Statue of Liberty shaped glasses, decked out in red, white and blue flair rocking white curly hair wigs speaking in 19th century Old English wearing “Ben Franklin specs”.
Stephan says to Dieter in his best Lincoln impression “Four score and seven years ago” and raises his Statue of Liberty in the air while 80s hair bands blast out of the speakers of the huge outside Biergarten as his white wig shifts slightly revealing sweaty dark black hair beneath. Germans around raise their Statue of Liberties and cheers to American Freedom as they bump their hands and heads to Steven Perry’s Oh Sherrie wearing smiles from ear to ear. One of the wigs falls off an endearing patron. 
Suddenly a small cheer is heard from across the B…

Home Alone and how the McCalister's are the worst parents ever

Home Alone, the quintessential Christmas movie that never grows old.  Christmas Vacation and Home Alone are always battling against each other for more air time in our household starting on Thanksgiving. (Lets be honest. Thanksgiving is only to say Thanks that Christmas season has started!

As I am now in my 40s, God that's hard to say, and have a family of my own, I see Home Alone quite differently as I recall as a youth.  For one, Kevin McCalister's Mom and Dad are assholes. Like big smelly ones. They officially win the Worst Parent Award. They should be drinking out of World's Worst Mom/Dad coffee mugs with poopy faces and smug smiles. 

As an adult, I see Kevin as a bratty little kid who just wants to be loved. His parents are clearly not focused on him at all and only care about themselves. I mean who sits in first class eating caviar and stealing REAL silverware while 12 other kids are by themselves in random seats with random strangers on an 8hr flight from Chicago to P…