Skip to main content

Santa Baby #MenToo

About a month or so ago, I was going to write a blog on Baby Its Cold Outside and how im suprised that the #MeToo movement did not yet ban that song from existence. But then something magical happened and it wasn't our Elf on the Shelf, George, with the I'm-gonna-slash-your-throat-in-your-sleep grin magically appearing in new locations and sending messages to Santa Claus. Nor was it our Alexa listenening in on our every thought and sending it back to the Amazon Gods. No. No. A report came in that a radio stationed banned the song because it was an "ode to rape".  Rape. Thats harsh. Although the song does play like a Bill Cosby himself episode, it does have a nice melody and tune. I mean doesn't that count for something anymore?!  I mean who listens to lyrics anways, right Kanye West ?

So now that the Baby Its Cold banning begins, I wanted to flip the script on another ever-so-loving classic: Santa Baby -- A true example of how men are expected to buy women expensive gifts for Christmas. #MenToo

Seriously, Eartha Kits in her sexy suelt voice singing about wanting yachts and Tiffany and a 54 convertible because she's been an "awful good girl" and in exchange will basically fuck Santa Claus.  

Come on! Its all there. Trim my Christmas Tree. Fill my stockings.  We are on to you Eartha! Whether you beleive in Santa or not -- if you do then please stop reading this. You are too young or have mental problems -- its basically a song about sleeping with a man for his possessions. This is a clear example of  a #MenToo moment.

Its clear the Baby Its Cold dude is just trying to get laid. Hes lonely and wants some company. It is really cold outside and knee deep in snow. Where is a women to go in this weather!  If the dude played his cards right, he could've totally banged the very easy Eartha Kitts. However, that would have evidentally been a really really expensive lay!

So next time you hear the song Santa Baby, see commericals where the lucky wife gets a $45,000 necklace or a brand new Lexus with a big bow on it for Christmas, or here the whispers of other wives telling your soon to be Mrs that "your man needs to buy you a ring that is 10% of his salary", think #MenToo!!  

Merry Christmas


Popular posts from this blog

My Justin Timberlake Experience .. and my shameful beer snob status

I have seen some great legends live in concert over the years.  Paul McCartney, Billy Joel, One Direction - to name a few.  But one in particular - Mr Justin Timberlake aka Justin Bart or JB as he goes by - was one for the ages. 

I got to enjoy this spectacular human with my beard wife Rose last night at the Prudential Center, in the city of dreams, Newark NJ.

The Christmas Glitter Bomb

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.  

The Perineal Massage..

My wife is approaching her 37th week of pregnancy.  Apparently, in your 37th week you are supposed to begin massaging your perineum.  "What's a perineum", you asked as so did i?  The perineum is basically the taint.  "Ahhhh.. ok.  I get it.  But massage it??", is what i asked.  Yes, massaging it helps with the pain when the baby crowns during childbirth.  "So just rub it or sumthin?" (in Chip Chipperson voice .. Opie and Anthony fans anyone??)  Not quite.. 
Here are the instructions on how to successfully massage your perineum: