Friday, September 08, 2017

My Pillow Confession to My Wife

Earlier this year, my wife bought a My Pillow as seen on TV.  There was a deal for 2 for 50. So she bought 6.  Go figure.  Apparently it was a really good deal and a really good pillow. 

If you have seen the commercials, which I am sure you have, you would be told that this is the greatest pillow ever made. The stuffing is revolutionary. The thickness is life changing.  The feel is shattering.  All from a man who looks like he is battling Tom Sellek for greatest mustache award.

So I tried the pillow earlier this year. It felt like my head was hitting the ceiling. It was way too big and thick for my liking. I woke up the next morning with a neck ache.  I threw that shit to pillow hell and went back to my old beat up feathery goddess of a pillow. 

Times have changed.. 

Recently, my wonderful pillow goddess has been somewhat overused and abused. Feathers were beginning to poke me at night and the re-fluffing just wasn't working anymore forcing her to almost lay as flat as my bed. Boo. I have had this other wife for years now.  It was time to say goodbye. 

So, in search of a new pillow wife, i decided to give the My Pillow another chance.  I pulled her out of Pillow Hell and slept with her the first night.  

It was a rough one.  She was a bit tight at first, not giving in, being relentless, but finally she caved and got comfortable with my presence. 

I woke up the next morning and realized that she had spent the night. I quickly looked at my wife as she was sound asleep and thought did she realize i slept with My Pillow.  The same pillow that i made fun of her for over the last 5 months as she went on and on about how great he is and how happy he makes her feel.  As you can see, my wife and i have an open marriage. 

I said nothing the next morning. Not sure if she noticed. 

That next night I gave her another shot.  The first night wasnt so bad.  I talked to myself in the bathroom mirror just prior to getting in bed.  I got this, i said to myself as I prepared for another night of wild and crazy pillow love.  I was nervous. I am pretty sure she was too.  I layed down and something happened that had not happened in a very long time -- i fell asleep in like 30 seconds. 

This then happened over the next few days.  The My Pillow was not just becoming my Pillow wife but becoming my soul mate.  We were destined to be. 

So here's the confessional to my wife:  I fucking love the My Pillow. I think its the greatest thing since the Star Wars pajamas you bought me.  The fucking number one dad mugs you bought me. The mini NES you waited in line for to satisfy the man in your life.  Sid, my fucking iPhone!  Yes.. even Sid!!  I never thought I would say this but the My Pillow completes me. I sleep like i have never slept before.  If our "relations" is in jeopardy due to me falling asleep so quickly well then you are to blame for bringing this beautiful person in my life.   Or blame that wonderful man, with that beautiful mustache, who created such an amazing product. I want to run my fingers through his wonderful mustache and condition it and comb it.  I want to buy him more blue shirts that he can showcase during his amazing My Pillow commercials.  Thank you sir.  I salute you. And you win best mustache ever award!! 

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