Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from August, 2017

Total Eclipse of the Mind

It starts with a slight shade in the sky.  The animals will start to make their way into nocturnal journey thinking that dusk is coming.   Humans will have most likely found a spot they've staked out and put on their paper dark glasses to stare at the sky.  Birds will stop chirping.  Cows will stop mooing.  Bats and owls will awake.  Phones will be streaming tons of live vids to social media.  

As the moon appears to swallow the sun, humans will be smiling, staring, with little knowledge of what is happening behind it all.  Just as the moon completely covers the sun, it happens.  Unbeknownst to the 50's style 3d-glass wearers, tiny microbes in the lenses are activated by the one-time only ultra radiation being delivered from the sky's phenomenon, causing brain patterns of the lucky wearers to go astray. 

WTF is the tooth fairy anways??

My 5 year old lost her first tooth prompting Mom and Dad to go into panic mode on how to play the "Tooth Fairy".   My first thought was what would the Rock do in his terrible attempt, but somehow extremely successful attempt, at acting in which he played a buffed male Tooth Fairy.  But then I looked at my terrible Dad bod and put my head down in shame.  After 12 minutes of self deprecating caused depression, i snapped back and came to, putting my child to sleep with a giant stuffed tooth that hung at the end of her bed, with her tiny itsy bitsy tooth somehow lost inside.  She insisted it go on the end of her bed post rather than next to her or under her pillow.  We quickly realized she may be actually scared of this mythical creature known as the Tooth Fairy.  I know I would be.  It was then my wife cried.


The Beach - a short story from a father of 2

It starts with an idea: "Hey we should do the beach tomorrow?".  And then ends with "I am never going to the beach again"

When i was in my early 20s, we would get up early af and head on down to the beach with every intention of beating traffic. I would bring a towel to lay on and maybe some sunblock.  That was it. We would stay as long as we wanted to and leave whenever. Simple. 

Today things have changed.  I am now a father of 2 girls - ages 3 and 5 - and oh my has this process changed.  Here is my perspective of beach life now as the world's greatest Dad. 

It starts with my kids jumping on us at 6:30am.  From 6:30-7:30, we will fight with the kids to put their bathing suits on as they are running around the house like they just downed a bottle of crazy juice.  Shouts will fill the air and finally the children will get their suits on.  During this process, one of the kids will hit the other and then crying will ensue.  This is the time I usually go in the show…