Friday, January 27, 2017

Party Pooper Potty Talk


It happened. Somehow, some way the potty talk started.  What was once beautiful vocabulary coming out of my 3 and 4 year old girls' mouths like "Daddy is great", "Daddy is amazing", "We Love Daddy", has suddenly shifted to poo poo and pee pees and butts and poopy heads.

At first I laughed.  It was funny and I thought actually quite clever.  My oldest daughter took the phenomenally catchy yet somehow annoying Flo Rida's My House lyrics and instead of "Welcome to my house", she changed it to "Welcome to my Butt".  Fucking hysterical.  We all laughed triggering her to do this for another 72 hours nonstop.  The joke got old but it was still dam funny.

The problem is the song never went away.  It was played on every pop station for months to come.  Eventually, the word "butt" -- a gateway profanity drug for sure -- slowly was replaced with other dam clever words like "Welcome to my Pee Pee", "Welcome to my smelly underwear", "Welcome to my Poopy Pants", you get the point.  And again, this continued for months to come.

It was cute at first, funny and somehow deviant. Our little girl was using child profanity to amuse us and her little sister.  However, then our younger one started saying shit like "Daddy your a poopy head" triggering the older child to laugh hysterically. And just like their Daddy, when someone laughs you continue to do it until its completely played out! Both kids would then take up this type of name calling -- usually me or each other -- whenever they got in silly mode (which is usually all the time).  Like human nature, it is only natural to be inventive and creative and add more funny words to already funny sayings.  So I went from being a "poopy head" to a "silly, smelly, ugly underwear pee pee poopy head".  I mean it doesn't even make sense! 

And because of this, my wife and I finally threw in the Bart towel. I mean, if you are going to use bad words, at least make it make sense!!   Kidding.  When we started to suspect that they were now using this new found phenomenal list of words to bring to their classmates at school, we were like "Nuh uh"; we were not gonna be the parents of "those kids".  And so mean Daddy -- as always -- started to yell -- as always -- about not using those words ever.  The corner in our house began to get a bit busy as it was their new occupancy whenever a butt or a pee pee was uttered.

I am not sure how it happened or when it did, but our little smart potty mouthed Divas, found a loophole.  Like fucking fancy Floridian lawyers representing high profile clients, they found a teeny tiny way to get out of trouble:  not speaking potty talk -- but still speaking it. That word is:

Party Pooper

And all i can say is: Genius.  Technically I cannot yell at them for saying Party Pooper. Can I?  Not sure who said it first but now the both of them chatter that word every now and then, immediately looking at us quickly to make sure it is ok.  When they realize Dad is not gritting his teeth, they then start to call each other party poopers.  Sighh. I am pretty sure that they really think that someone will poop at a party hence making it disgustingly funny. It reminds me of the hysterical Flula "Jenny poops at the party" German video -- see here.



So as of today, party poopers is officially banned from the Bart household as well.  What was a nce innocent word, naturally, turned into "stinky smelly party poopers".  Yes i am what i preach - a party pooper.  Next one of them will start calling me an Ass Hole because technically they are 2 separate words that mean 2 different things. Right?  Ah what the fuck do i know. I am just a party pooper.

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