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Showing posts from January, 2017

Party Pooper Potty Talk

It happened. Somehow, some way the potty talk started.  What was once beautiful vocabulary coming out of my 3 and 4 year old girls' mouths like "Daddy is great", "Daddy is amazing", "We Love Daddy", has suddenly shifted to poo poo and pee pees and butts and poopy heads.

At first I laughed.  It was funny and I thought actually quite clever.  My oldest daughter took the phenomenally catchy yet somehow annoying Flo Rida's My House lyrics and instead of "Welcome to my house", she changed it to "Welcome to my Butt".  Fucking hysterical.  We all laughed triggering her to do this for another 72 hours nonstop.  The joke got old but it was still dam funny.

The problem is the song never went away.  It was played on every pop station for months to come.  Eventually, the word "butt" -- a gateway profanity drug for sure -- slowly was replaced with other dam clever words like "Welcome to my Pee Pee", "Welcome to m…

Nate the Stomach Bug

On January 5, 2 days after Ava -- our 4 year old -- went back to school after being off for 2 weeks for the holidays, she met a young boy named Nate.

Nate was funky looking, like think the Fly  --- but at the end when he's all fucked up looking. Shit still gives me nightmares.  ---  meets that science project you had when you were in high school to look at cheek swabs in a microscope.  That bad.  But Ava does not judge.  Besides, we did not raise her that way. She's a Bart for Christ's sake.




Now some would call Nate a "virus" but we don't label in the Bart household because that's just not right.  So instead we call Nate a young boy from a broken home.

Sometime over the holidays, Nate befriended a young boy at her school and then quickly made friends with his sister.  We will call this young boy "Patient 0" and the sister "The Carrier".  The Carrier came to school but Patient 0 stayed home as he was so sad of seeing Nate leave that he …

Thank you 2016

As 2016 comes to a close, I sit back and think how much this year made an impact on my life.  Most people have already shunned this year off after the death of Prince and other famous celebrities, but for me it was more of an inviting year and one to put my life into perspective.

In August I had shoulder surgery due to a stupid attempt at Brazilian jiu jitsu.  It sounded cool at the time so i gave it a try.  6 classes in and I am in the hospital.  Stupid me.  Prior to this i was probably in the best shape of my life competing in races, power lifting, male modeling (kidding).  The fact is I was killing it with my personal goals. Work, however was a different story.  I was very stressed with work and as a way to combat stress i would workout which would make me feel happy -- sorta like a drug.  And as a result my family would never see me.  And this is the problem.

This surgery opened up a whole new realization that none of the shit you lift over your head, the hill you are trying to …