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Showing posts from September, 2016

Stupid Squirrels

Its that time of year again:  when the beautiful green leaves on trees slowly begin to die and become a wonderful array of colors, as they fall from their homes to the ground, only to have children run and throw them all over each other in laughter and cheer. Who would have thought death can be so beautiful, yet fun!!  

It's also a time when we go to pumpkin farms to buy a pumpkin, take home and place on our front steps.  Scholars don't even know why we do this.  So there they sit; only to be eaten by squirrels and then rot and decompose.  And there they will continue to sit because nobody wants to touch the now gross, unwanted rotten juicy, lopsided and half eaten pumpkin, and throw in the garbage as it will sit and smell up the garage.  "GET AWAY SQUIRRELS!!" is what my children now yell when they see a harmless little squirrel looking for food, as year after year we have half orange and black decomposed pumpkins sitting outside our home. 

And that's where we be…

Who I will be voting for in the 2016 Presidential election and why

Political Dan is on the scene.  I have decided to unveil who i will be voting for in this year's epic 2016 Presidential showdown.  Is it the one-and-only Billary Clinton - who would be the first Woman American President, or failed-yet-very-successful-business-celebrity-mogul Donald Trump?  Just typing his name in the same paragraph as President is just so bizarre.  

Typically I would write out in my danny bart fashion as to whom i am voting for, however, i thought i would try something new and record myself in an epic video.

God Speed

The Crying Game

Way before Caitlyn Jenner made transgender cool, there was a little movie called The Crying Game.  This blog i can ensure you is NOT about transgender or Bruce Jenner or that movie (not that there is anything wrong with that).  No. Its about fucking crying and how my wonderful, adorable, princess-like almost-3yr old Ellie has now been recently diagnosed with Satan's Laugh aka Crying.  Please pray.

I wrote this wonderful blog about my (then) perfect little Ellie when she turned 1. but now....

The Chicken Bone Story

Its that time of year - Halloween - and this story fits perfect with the upcoming gruesome holiday...

Yesterday evening i was cooking dinner - yes this happens occasionally - as my wife was at work and i had the kids.  I was making a stuffed chicken breast with a spicy kale and corn concoction.  It was actually quite good but i did slightly overcook it due to my lack of skills using an iron skillet. Boo.  Anyways, as i was stuffing it, my daughter asked me the following question:

My ER Experience

For all the crap i've done over the years and put my body through, i can say i have been blessed to never really have an injury - that is until a month ago when i separated my shoulder attempting Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). 

It was a Monday.  I was just about to start a new workout week as i have taken the  prior week off for vacation. I felt bloaty from the shitty food i had eaten and did not like myself.  I was pumped.  I saw new personal records being made and a few big races to destroy.  Some time off to give your body a rest is mandatory, in my greatly and awesome opinion (imgaao).  And so I noticed the BJJ schedule was a Monday this week.  It was the start of my 5th class - and free trial - and I thought ok, i can do Monday BJJ and then start my heavy lifts on Tuesday.  nuh uh .. wrong answer.  Little did i know that i would be in an emergency room till wee hours of the morning and out of the gym and out of commission for at least 3 months.  Booooo.. 

This is what real people w…