Skip to main content

My Wife At Comedy Shows

Ok so this past weekend the unthinkable happened:  My wife and I got some Danny and Rosie time!  Yes.  It happened.  And it was awesome.  Did i say that we were kidless.  Yes.  It happened. 

Quick.  Get in the car.  The kids may see us and cry!

For Rose's birthday I bought her tickets to see Brian Regan.  For those who've never heard of him,  should shut the hood of you car with your head in it.  He's a really funny comedian but this blog is not about him.  Its about the wonderfulness of my wife at comedy shows. 

A night out. Wow.  It does not happen too often.  Of course the one day that we are supposed to go out and have Danny and Rosie time, is the same day that our oldest daughter decides to get a runny nose and sneeze all day nonstop.  Yup. That happened too.  So it was only right that when my stepsister came over to watch the girls, we were out of that house faster than we can say Bless You after her sneeze.  Ok.  It actually took about 45 minutes to get out of the house with the crying for Mommy and Daddy but thats a whole other blog. 

When you get away from your children and get to have some time with your wife, there is this feeling of freedom that happens.  Its like a transformation feeling from like when you were back in your early 20s and life was easy.  And so while I am driving with a smile thinking of all the fun we are going to have -without children- my wife is the complete opposite and is already texting to make sure everything is ok.  Moms. 

I won't bore you with details of our awesome night that included fancy craft beers, tacos from a taco truck, rosemary old fashions while taking in the view at Rockefellor Center, and pizza from Benny Tudino's which is the ender to end all nights.  But in between there was  comedy show and thats what i want to get to. 

We have not been to a comedy show in at least 5 years. I believe the last one we saw was Chris Tucker at the Borgata in Atlantic City - which was a snooze fest.  Back in the day - pre kids - we used to frequent the movies and comedy shows, with many drinking nights in between.  And so its almost as if I forgot how my wife is when it comes to someone standing on a stage telling jokes. 

Ok.  So for starters.  I am the funny one. My wife claims she is a ghost writer for some of my blogs but that is just blasphemy.  We both laugh at life and cry when we are supposed to. I don't know what that means. I guess I am trying to say that we are pretty awesome at life - and we are both funny and have great personalities, says probably nobody but us. 

But something happens at a comedy show for the both of us.  We laugh at every single thing.  I am not sure if I am laughing because Rose is laughing or vice versa but its like the Jedi mind shit we do to each other and just laugh and laugh and laugh. 

We are all laughing sir

The comedy event was at Radio City Music Hall.  For those who don't live in NYC, this is like a super famous theater and is home to the Rockettes.  (men google it).  It was also being aired live on Comedy Central.  The Bart's finally have the chance to be on television.  Woohoo!

We walk into the theatre and take our seats.  2 skinny nerds are sitting in our seats.  The one looks at me and tells me that seat 4 is the one that he is in and that I am wrong.  I then ask to see his ticket because its clear as day he is in our seats.  I then picked up the nerd from the neck and through him down the aisle.  Sike.  I did not. The nerd realized his mistake and him and his nerdy Larper friend move one seat down to make room for my wife and I.  The seat was warm.  Yuck. 

Because the show was being aired live, they were like on point with time.  So of course 8pm comes and the lights start to dim.  Perfect timing. 

The first comic comes out.  He looks like a tall, skinny hippy but then again I think this is just the style today.  He starts to talk.  Immediately, Rose and I start to laugh. Again, we are "those couples" at a comedy show. 

It's then I forget - my wife is insane at live comedy.  She does not just giggle at silly jokes.  She balls and howls laughing.  I forgot about this.  My laugh is equivalent to Butthead. Its like a low, mumbly huh huh sorta sound.  But my wife does this thing where she sorta scream laughs.  Its like a RAAAHHHHHHhhhhhaaaaaaAAAAA with an extra emphasis on the end AAA.  I start to laugh at her.  She is laughing at the comic telling a story about walking or some shit.. somehow this was so funny for the both of us, but even moreso for Rose. 

And then it happened.  At about the 12 minute mark of the show, the nerd who is sitting next to me - ya know the one who was sitting in the wrong seat - he very slowly, but very noticeably, turns his head to my wife as she is in a laughing fit, shaking and moving her head all around like she is possessed.  That simple look was all it took. 

Immediately, she looks at me with a face like WTF.  I laugh.  The nerd looks away very quickly.  Both Rose and I immediately start to laugh making fun of the nerd for eye fucking my wife with his WTF-ARE-YOU-LAUGHING-AT eye taunt.  But this did not stop her..Oh no.

Her laughing grew as the comics got warmed up and funnier. The people to her right sorta glanced at her with this look as if my wife was having a seizure.  They had faces like they were not sure if they should call a DR or not.  I could not blame them.  She was shaking and crying and laughing uncontrollably. I actually started to get a bit concerned as well.  At one point she was doing this:

Not kidding.  At one point she was bent over and her head was bobbing up and down in a very inappropriate-use-your-imagination way. I was confused.  No sound was coming out of her.  She was like possessed.   

Now granted, the comedians were fucking funny.  Like really funny.  But Rose's laughing was equivalent to her being gassed with laughing gas under her seat. It was pretty bad. 

And now back to the live part of the show.  I do not know if you can see us on TV, but i can almost guarantee that you certainly hear my wife laughing!  They may have somehow edited it out.  

It's not just comedy shows that she is like this either. Oh no.  Comedies at movie theaters can be a problem; especially when you have a shitty theatre.  Ya know the one that nobody laughs at any jokes.  This is where we come in.  The people around me would be able to hear my Butthead laugh.  But the entire theatre WILL hear my wife's RAAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhhAAAAAAA with an emphasis on the end AAAA.

So nerd if you are reading this, get a sense of humor and laugh at life.  I know my wife will.  RAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhAAAAAAA


Popular posts from this blog

My Justin Timberlake Experience .. and my shameful beer snob status

I have seen some great legends live in concert over the years.  Paul McCartney, Billy Joel, One Direction - to name a few.  But one in particular - Mr Justin Timberlake aka Justin Bart or JB as he goes by - was one for the ages. 

I got to enjoy this spectacular human with my beard wife Rose last night at the Prudential Center, in the city of dreams, Newark NJ.

The Christmas Glitter Bomb

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.  

The Perineal Massage..

My wife is approaching her 37th week of pregnancy.  Apparently, in your 37th week you are supposed to begin massaging your perineum.  "What's a perineum", you asked as so did i?  The perineum is basically the taint.  "Ahhhh.. ok.  I get it.  But massage it??", is what i asked.  Yes, massaging it helps with the pain when the baby crowns during childbirth.  "So just rub it or sumthin?" (in Chip Chipperson voice .. Opie and Anthony fans anyone??)  Not quite.. 
Here are the instructions on how to successfully massage your perineum: