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But Why?

My daughter has now gotten to the age where she needs to know the answers to everything in life.  She is constantly questioning everything and anything.  About 80% of the time, I dont have a clue how to answer her; simply because I dont know the answer my self. It's at this age I've learned that I am a complete idiot who knows nothing but somehow got by to succeed in life. 

Some examples:

Ava:  Daddy, why do dogs bark?

My inner thought:   Christ on a pony, i have no frikking clue.

Me:  Well, that's the way they talk to each other. 

Ava:  But it always sounds the same.  Why?

My inner thought:  Thats a good frikking question!

Me:  It's not really the same.  Doggies hear different than us so they can tell the difference.

Ava:  But why?

My inner thought:  Google "why do dogs bark when i get home"

Me:  Thats a good question.  I dont know.  (puts head down in shame)

Ava:  But why?

My inner thought:  Ouch


Me:  Come on Ava, put on your panties. 

Ava:  But I don't want to. 

Me:  Come on.  You have to. NOW!

Ava:  But why?

My inner thoughts:  Because I want you to stay FAR away from the "pole".  

Me:  Because everyone wears underwear. 

Ava:  Why?

My inner thoughts:  Holy shit.  Why do we wear underwear!?

Me:  Look at how funny your sister is being.  (as i distract her to put on her panties)


Ava:  Daddy, why do birdies fly?

My inner thought:  hmmmmm.. Fck if i know

Me:  That's how they get around.  We walk.  They fly.

Ava:  Why do we walk?

My inner thought:  That's an honest to God great question. 

Me:  What sound does a birdie make {changing the subject}


Ava:  How come you don't go pp on the potty?

My inner thought:  Shit

Me:  Well, boys and girls go pp differently. 

Ava:  But why?

My inner thought:  Help me Rose. 

Me:  Well boys and girls are different in this way. 

Ava:  But why?

My inner thought:  I honestly don't have a clue why. God made us this way?  Is there a God?  I dont frikking know!?

Me:  Hey, let's go watch Caillou!! 


Ava:  Daddy, but why do i have to take a nap?

Me:  Well, if you don't take a nap then you will be cranky and then we can't play together later on. 

Ava:  Why will I be cranky if i dont nap?

My inner thought: Thats a dam good question.  I dont have a clue why. Your body is tired?  But why is it tired?  What a bunch of pussies we are as species that we need to take naps to get by in life. Plus, you will be Satan later if you don't.

Me:  Come on.  Take a nap or the crank monster is gonna get you. 

Ava:  I dont LIKE the crank monster!!!  {starts sobbing}

My inner thought:   Shit

Rose:  DANNY!!

My inner thought:   Sigghhhh


Ava:  Why are you going to the accountant?

My inner thought:  I'm paying a man to help me with my payments to THE MAN.  That's a dam good question. 

Me:  I honestly don't know why. 


Ava:  Daddy don't goto work.

Me:  I have to.

Ava:  But why?

My inner thoughts:  Do I??

Me:  So I can put food on the table and give you and the girls a place to sleep.

My inner thoughts:  I sooo sound like a dad. 

Ava:  But why?

Me:  Well, we don't want to end up homeless and living on the streets.

Ava:  Cool! I want to live on the streets! 

My inner thoughts:  Shit

Ava:  Daddy, I want to go on the big girl swings.

Me:  No you cannot.  Your too small still for those swings. 

Ava:  But I am a big girl. 

My inner thoughts:  She is absolutely right.

Me: You just can't now. 

Ava:  {sobbing}

My inner thoughts:  Shit. 


This process is actually helping me to become smarter and more knowledgeable.  

Like, for example, I know all the Disney princesses and their stories.  
But why?  
Well, I have 2 girls.  
But why?  
Well, I dont have any boys and they wouldn't like Princesses.  
But why?  
Because boys like pirates and shit.  
But why?  
Ok, i am just digging my own hole here.  You get the point.  

My inner thought:  It's 2015!  Boys DO play with princesses today! Shut up now before you get yourself in trouble!!

But why?


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