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Showing posts from April, 2015

The Great Usher Debate

There has been a lot of talk in the Bart household due to the following lyrics to Usher's song I Dont Mind:

Shawty, I don't mind if you dance on a pole
That don't make you a hoe

Let me first state the obvious of what is wrong with this statement:  

For the record, "pole" and "hoe" don't rhyme.. like ever.  Even if you say "if you dance on a poe, that don't make you a hoe", as Usher sings it,   now the meaning changes to some weird Edgar Allen Poe fantasy fetish like the dreadful TV show "The Following".  Weirdarama.

Bruce Jenner: Going Bruce

Once upon a time there lived a young boy named William Bruce Jenner.  He liked to run, play sports and wear his mommy's panties.  He would later grow up to be the "world's greatest athlete", the husband to the matriarch of what is known as the Kardashian family, and eventually become a woman.

For people above the age of 50, Bruce Jenner was everything a man wanted to be.  He was handsome, got chicks, was chiseled and was a phenomenal athlete.  Asking someone over the age of 50 who Bruce Jenner was, will ensue into a 5 minute talk about how great of an athlete he was and "god dam he gotta lotta chicks!".

For anyone between the age of 30 and 50, Bruce Jenner is known as the stepfather of Kim Kardashian and then, the wife of Kris Jenner - in that order. This person would have for sure heard the tall tales of how great Bruce was in his early life. But he/she will also know that Bruce is on that show with Kim and her family.  This person will also know that Bruce …

But Why?

My daughter has now gotten to the age where she needs to know the answers to everything in life.  She is constantly questioning everything and anything.  About 80% of the time, I dont have a clue how to answer her; simply because I dont know the answer my self. It's at this age I've learned that I am a complete idiot who knows nothing but somehow got by to succeed in life. 

Some examples:

Ava:  Daddy, why do dogs bark?

My inner thought:   Christ on a pony, i have no frikking clue.

Me:  Well, that's the way they talk to each other. 

Ava:  But it always sounds the same.  Why?

My inner thought:  Thats a good frikking question!

Me:  It's not really the same.  Doggies hear different than us so they can tell the difference.

Ava:  But why?

My inner thought:  Google "why do dogs bark when i get home"

Me:  Thats a good question.  I dont know.  (puts head down in shame)

Ava:  But why?

My inner thought:  Ouch


Me:  Come on Ava, put on your panties. 

Ava:  But I don't want to.