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13 observations on the Sons of Anarchy

My wife and I, during an intense marathon while the kids were asleep, leaving us both tired and miserable as we went to bed late and the kids woke up early, finally have finished the Sons of Anarchy.  The idea of gun toting, bad dressing hooligans riding make-believe Harleys made me very much into the show.  My wife, as I've learned afterwards, really just wanted to see Jaxon.  So despite all the stereotypes about bikers, I now am in complete belief that the dudes that hang out in the Rutt's Hutt parking lot next to where I live are completely into drug dealing, gun distributing, gang banging, whore loving, bad dressing, trans gender loving, tattoo wearing, not showering activities.  These are just some of the things that I have learned during my approximate 92.5 hours of watching something that was going so good go to something so bad - thanks to Jaxon and his Mommy.


Here are some observations I have on the show:

WARNING:  there are major spoilers.  Why would you even get this far if you did not finish watching the show. 

 

Jaxon has an Oedipus Rex fascination with his Mommy, Jemma

Did anybody else get the heebie jeebies when Jaxon and his mom were on the screen together.  Every single time that Jax and his Mom were together there was always this feeling that the lighting was gonna dim and the 2 were gonna just start making out in the middle of the TM garage.  I mean seriously, who is sooo passionate when kissing their Mom like that.  Gross out!



Jaxon is the WORST president EVER!

Clay took the club in a bad direction.  Yes. I get that. However, Jaxon's vision to get the club out of the gun business to be "legit" did nothing but kill at least 300 people in the process - including 16 small children.  Nice job Jaxon.


Everytime this person spoke:

I was like:

HUHHHHH?????
Seriously.  What the hell was he saying?? 

The police force in San Joaquin county should be rated the worst in all of the country.

During the entire run of Sons of Anarchy, the Sons had the Charming police force on their payroll.  But after the deaths of a soon-to-be-seargant, an ATF agent, and many other police officers along the way, nobody ever caught these guys?  Really?  Wouldn't the FBI be heavily involved?  Wouldn't these deaths make national newspapers?  Wouldn't killing innocent children NOT just get the district attorney involved but the entire nation? 

Loud motorcycles apparently are the ninja vehicles of our time. 

The motorcycles that they rode on the show are the loudest and most annoying things on Earth.  I can hear one coming from a mile away.  Yet somehow, the bikes that they drove on the show were undetectable to the human ear.  I mean if I was in another bike gang and heard bikes approaching my home, I would probably look out the window or something.  This happened on the show more times that I can count so I can only think that their bikes had some kind of muffle technology that cannot be heard by the human ear.

There should be a Sons of Anarchy drinking game for every time Jax says 'family'.

Holy Shit.  This guy is all about family.  He fucking says it every other line.  Seriously we get it. You want to save your family - the club and your sons - said in a really bad English accent way. Just go back and watch 20 minutes of 1 episode, anyone, and you will see what i mean.

This is the worst actor in the history of acting:

I know. I know.  The kid is like 5.  However, who was his speech coach.  The kid talked like he was a zombie or like he had marbles in his mouth or something.  I wasn't sure who was more easy to understand:  Able or that dam Scottish guy.   And HE'S the one to tell Jax about Gemma killing his Mommy?  Really?  I would have loved to hear that conversation. My 2.5 yr old is out of her mind and runs around like a lunatic.  Every single 5 year old boy I have ever met, is out of his mind bat-shit crazy and he's just like chillin all the time.  Didn't they ever get his checked??

 He reminded me of this kid:


The most hated actor EVER:


Seriously.  Who casted this person?  She was everything awful.  From her stupid eyes and dumb faces she made, to her manly attempt at walking.  Was she trying to imitate Deb from Dexter?   Another hatable character.  I actually clapped when they killed her. 

The most smartest gang in the history of gangs. 

There was always some major twist that saved the gang.  I get it.  Its a show.  But the biggest WTF moment had to be when the Sons killed that bitch above.  Who the hell saw that coming.  That type of planning would have taken months.  Just think of all the parties that were involved to pull that off.  I dont get it.  Then of course the ending.  Every gang in the area was wiped out because of Jax's bad decisions but then somehow was mended as Jaxon took his life.  Sure.

Season 3 did NOT have to happen.

I mean who kidnaps a kid and brings them to Ireland.  WTF.  On top of that, why the hell did the whole gang have to go.  Jemma escapes jail by going to Ireland as well.  Really?  And then the killing of the ATF agent, couldn't they have just simply murdered her and tore up the evidence.   I don't get it.  Jaxon almost has sex with his annoying sister.  And then they kill a priest and somehow escape back to the States.  Some border control we have.  To make it even worst, I did not have a clue of what season 3 was even about because I could not understand a fucking word that was spoken by anybody who was Irish!

Worst style ever

Who dresses this guy??

And isnt it fucking hot!  Its fucking California and not one person is ever sweating wearing all those layers including that smelly, dirty leather vest.  Not even fat Bobby.  And can you carry a machete like he has hanging on his hip??  Is this even allowed? 

 I cant imagine how bad this man must have smelled

Jaxon is a boring lover

We saw many pictures of a naked Jaxon having sex with different women.  FX looovedd showing his butt as he penetrated on top of his target missionary position.  But this was it.  You would think the President of the Sons would be wheelbarrowing his women all over that room!!!  Lame-O

The greatest death ever

There were a lot of extreme deaths on the show.  Tara's death should have been on Faces of Death.  It was that surreal.  Gemma could have just put that knife in her heart and dropped it - kinda like when a comic makes 1 last joke and then drops the mic - and then walked out.  No.  Instead she beats her up, proceeds to put her head in a sink full of dirty water and dishes, and starts to treat her head as if its a steak on the grill, as she carelessly starts to fork her head over and over again until there is brain in the sink.  I certainly would not want to clean up that mess afterwards.  Yuck. 

The scene was so over the top and not expected that it actually took me about a minute to close my mouth and realize what just happened.  My wife was sobbing uncontrollably probably, moreso out of complete joy knowing that her husband is not in a biker gang.  And then of course I cried because I am a wuss and obviously would never be able to be in a biker gang or grow a beard or do anything manly like those biker guys do. 

Tara's death then led to that poor jacked up Asian dude getting pitchforked in the head as well.  But before he was giving that simple opportunity to be forked, he was beaten and cut open and all kinds of good shit.  Poor guy.  Nice job Gemma. 

Anything the Tellers touch turns to mud

Seriously anything that Gemma and Jaxon do, turns bad.  Look at Nero.  Poor guy was just trying to work a respected and "legal" business until he met Gemma.  It was all downhill after that.  Tara was an up and coming surgeon until she came back to be with Jax. Nice move.   That stupid annoying boss of Tara's started to mingle in her life and look where that got her: tied up to a pole with a gag in her mouth and beaten.  The club itself went completely downhill after Jaxon took over.  And then of course Gemma's lie.   This killed half of Northern California and of course not one Police officer was able to do a thing about it. 


Seriously the show was great. Not at a Breaking Bad or Lost level, but still really good. At times the writing was defintely a bit over the top but i think thats what made it great.  Clay would have made that club millions.  Just saying.  Stupid Jaxon and his "i have a dream" vision.  boooo. 

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