Skip to main content

A year of Ellie: A Princess Story

I have another daughter.  Yes.  A beautiful little girl that smiles and giggles and is little and petite. Her name is Ellie.  Ellie Danielle.  Danielle for me, Daniel, but the feminine version.  Its what I was called all my life by boys who teased me and what people who speak Spanish call me now:  Danielle.  Whatever.  It was only fitting that our second daughter would have my name instead of Rose's name as her middle name.  Truth be told, she is a clone of my wife.  And Ava is a clone of me.  Ava looks identical to me and her middle name is Rose.  So therefore you can see how my Polish roots are already playing a major role in my family and their naming.  Like I said, its only fitting that they are named this way.

But back to Ellie Danielle.  Yes.  I have another daughter.  Ava has a sister.  I have never officially blogged about Ellie.  I have of Ava.  A lot.  But never Ellie.  In fact, I have only mentioned her in 8 blogs of mine ( I counted ).  For those keeping track at home, I have blogged about Ava or mentioned her name in blogs approximately 32 times (I counted).  So why not Ellie!

Well, for one, there is absolutely nothing exciting and spectacular to blog about her.  She is absolutely perfect.  I am not saying that Ava was not perfect.  She was.  Not is.  Was.  This was until we had Ellie and we realized how perfect a baby could be.  A baby that seriously laughs and smiles and just chills at every given second of the day.  Even when she is sleeping she is smiling.  She is just a happy little Rosie-look-alike that really is the most perfect baby, just like her mom; her clone. 

So then why not blog about this?  Well, the answer is simple:  What fun would that be?  There is absolutely nothing funny or any holy-shit moments or 3 peats (a must read) or Shitty masterpieces (another must read) that Ellie contributes to.  Instead she is just perfect. Yes. That word again. 

Truth be told, there are a couple things that I can say about her that are not perfect.  She has a vein between the bridge of her nose that shes had since birth and it never goes away.  Its just always there.  I guess I don't like this about her.  Oh, and sometimes, but not always, more in pictures than in person, she can resemble an old lady; an old CUTE and PERFECT old lady baby.  But, again, I cant say I don't like this.  She resembles a baby/old person-Rosie Bart.  Awesome! Oh, and she really doesn't have a lot of hair yet.  Its just coming in.. finally!  So maybe that's another thing that claps my ass a bit. I don't know.

My point is if I blogged about these "imperfections", I would get 7 people reading my blogs.  Or would I?   Hmmmm.  I guess I should check back and see how many views I get on this before I make that assumption.

So instead of writing how perfect my Ellie is OR how I love when I walk in her room from her nap and she immediately smiles and says DaDa to me OR how she is finally starting to "fight back" when her older sister Ava (remember her) is beating the crap out of her OR how she can give a rats ass about watching TV and wants nothing more than to sit down and play with her toys like a good girl should; much much much unlike her has-been-perfect sister Ava.  Nah.  I don't want to write about all that.  Instead, I am going to tell a nice fairy tale story about the most perfect baby Ellie.  Enjoy.

Once upon a time, in a land far far far away, there lived the King and Queen Bart of NJ.  They dwelled in a sprawling, huge townhome that overlooked some of the most amazing views in the Northeast:  Target and Stop and Shop.  The King and Queen traveled the world after they were married.  They visited far and away places like Hawaii, Italy, Greece.  They saw all the Caribbean Islands  and more.  Their lives were amazing and they wanted nothing more that to keep traveling.  At least this is what the King believed. 

One day upon coming home from a long long day at work and a nice workout at his favorite place called Krank, the King walked into his home perspiring from the day's fight.  The Queen stood at the top of the stairway, awaiting his return.  The house smelled of everything wonderful as the Queen was preparing a special meal for the King. 

The King was greeted with a big kiss from his teary wife. 

"Whats wrong my dear", said the King in a concerned tone.

"Well I-I wanted to tell you.. you something". The Queen's voice was trembling and tears were clearly forming at her eyes.

The King embraced his wife as she began to tell him.

"I'm-I'm pregnant!  We are having a baby!!" excitingly said the Queen.

The King wasn't sure he heard right.  Did she say she was pregnant.  The King got dizzy and had to sit. The Queen, being released by his embrace, was confused and ran to him. 

"What is it my King"

"This.  This is great" whispered the King. "We.. " and he ran upstairs as a confused wife was downstairs standing in front of an untouched dinner.

The King thought long and hard as he made his way up to his throne.  Thoughts of seeing parts of unchartered territories was all he thought.  This would be impossible now.  He could hear his wife downstairs pacing and crying.  He thought about what their life would become.  How it would change their perfect movie relationship, as they've been told numerous times.  He thought of babies screaming and crying through the night and he shuddered in fear.  I will never be a good Dad is all he thought. 

Then he saw it.  Inside the thrones toilet room lay 8 pregnancy tests.  They were all different kinds and each had different colors on them to represent that your life will forever change.  The last 2 said it the best:  "Pregnant".  It didn't get any clearer than that. 

Suddenly the King had a vision, sorta like in the movies when life flashes in front of your eyes and you see it all even though you haven't lived it yet.  This is what he saw:  a life of love and happiness as he lived his life as the best dad he could be and his son (because it has to be a boy) loving him for everything he is and does. 

The King ran downstairs and hugged his now-sobbing-confused loving wife and said how excited he was.  The Queen did not believe him at first.  It took some time.  The King's reaction was a bit strange and now all the sudden here he is and totally excited, is what she thought.  After a long crying talk the 2 embraced and couldn't be more happier than to start the next chapter of their lives: Parents.

The Queen was so excited to be pregnant. It was all she wanted in life.  But will they have:  a boy or a girl.  The King already knew it was a boy.  He had planned baseball games and campouts by the moat in the castle yard.  He had already planned hunting trips and to show his boy how to be the best jouster in the land. Somehow, the Queen believed this as well.  Maybe because this was all the King talked about.  And now the moment was here to find out.

"Its a girl", said the soon-to-be decapitated nurse as was the first thing that the King thought of when these words were spoken.  His life shattered and destroyed.  A girl?  How can it be?  He wasn't supposed to have a girl.  It just wasn't in the cards.

The 2 sat in the room both crying.  The Queen crying because all she wanted in life was a daughter to raise and look after.  The King crying because, well, it was a girl. 

Life went on and a few months later Ava Rose was born.  The King held his little girl in his arms while the new Mom was getting nursed and sewed up.  During these 30 minutes, the King had a whole new appreciation of this precious little gem named Ava.  He would live his life for her.  Everything in his world would be for her.  He loved this little girl named Ava.  She was now his world.

During the first year of life, Ava was the best baby one can hope for.  She was funny and sad, happy and upset, crazy and bad, all what a baby should be.  The King decided prior to the Dad experience to start a blog.  A blog about his life and what it would be to be a Dad.  The blog was viewed by millions.   Everyone in all of the land known as NJ wanted to read about the King and his life as soon-to-be-Dad

When the baby came, he had A LOT of material.  Ava was a great baby but also, well was just that a baby.  She would shit on him and piss on him and throw up on him and he did what any dad should do:  he blogged about it. 

As perfect as Ava was, something was missing.  He didn't know what.  The Queen thought so too. 

One day while watching his favorite Joust team, The NY Jousters, the Queen came into the room with an announcement.  Little Ava was 9 months old and was playing with whatever toy a 9 month old was supposed to play with.  "Im pregnant" she announced.

This time the roles were reversed.  The Queen was completely nervous and scared.  "They are so close in age" was her complaint.  But the King could not be more happier.  "This is why its so great.  Our little Ava will have someone to play with".  He gave her a HUGE embrace and together they awaited the birth of their second child.

Somewhere up in the heavens, the Angel Uriel talked politics with his buddy Angel Moslin about how God and the Devil can never agree on the perfect being.  There was some bad things happening on the Planet Earth - the planet that Uriel was in charge of - and a need for a change was due.  But, unfortunately the followers of God and the followers of Devil can never ever agree on anything. 

"Those damn Devil-Crats", is what Uriel said to Moslin.  "They never let me do anything". 

After much lobbying and presenting his case to the right parties, Uriel finally got his wish:  The perfect child would be born.  The Child would consist of everything nice.  It would bring the balance of great and evil.  It would help create happiness for those who longed to see it.  It would bring laughter for those who have seen nothing but sadness.  The Child would bring love to all.

God had granted Uriel access to this wonderful child.  However, the Devil still had his way:  This child would be born on Halloween.  Uriel fought and fought this with the Devil-crats and it was agreed upon he and God that the Child would be born on October 30 instead.

On October 30, a day that has come and gone, Ellie Danielle was born to the King and Queen.  A day that would stand as "The Day It Changed".  And so Ellie Danielle would bring nothing but love and laughter to the planet known as Earth.  She would be the most perfect child that the King and Queen can ever wish for.  The most perfect sister that Ava Rose would ever want.  She would be perfect.

And she was.  She was perfect.  And this was the problem that the King had.  He now had no more blog material because his daughter Ellie was just too perfect!  And even when he did have something to write, well there is 2 kids and no time!  But, hey that's another blog....

THE END  (for now)


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Justin Timberlake Experience .. and my shameful beer snob status

I have seen some great legends live in concert over the years.  Paul McCartney, Billy Joel, One Direction - to name a few.  But one in particular - Mr Justin Timberlake aka Justin Bart or JB as he goes by - was one for the ages. 

I got to enjoy this spectacular human with my beard wife Rose last night at the Prudential Center, in the city of dreams, Newark NJ.




The Perineal Massage..

My wife is approaching her 37th week of pregnancy.  Apparently, in your 37th week you are supposed to begin massaging your perineum.  "What's a perineum", you asked as so did i?  The perineum is basically the taint.  "Ahhhh.. ok.  I get it.  But massage it??", is what i asked.  Yes, massaging it helps with the pain when the baby crowns during childbirth.  "So just rub it or sumthin?" (in Chip Chipperson voice .. Opie and Anthony fans anyone??)  Not quite.. 
Here are the instructions on how to successfully massage your perineum:

The Christmas Glitter Bomb

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.