Skip to main content

Holy Fit! - Ava's first attempt at cursing

You can learn a lot about the words you say around the house through the mouth of your 2 year old daughter.  


Ava's first attempt at cursing came a couple months ago.  Rose was in Atlantic City with her friends trying to re-create the Hangover for a baby shower.  I was home with the 2 girls.  A true vacation for me.  Playing Dad rules until you have them both to yourself and no wife.  Fuck that's hard.  

So as World War 3 is happening in my home and Rose is getting a much needed (and deserved) Spa treatment by a handsome Asshole named Sven who can bench press more than me, I was changing a diaper that could be used to torture terrorists in Guantanamo Bay. What the Fuck

As this is happening, Ava is playing dress up - which means let's take out all the clothes in her drawers and attempt to put them on.  The end result:  half of the clothes are on the floor, the other half are hanging on her.  Are you fucking serious!?

At this point, the pot, aka my head, was beginning to boil.  The food fight that Ava had with herself downstairs just 5 minutes ago almost put me over the edge.  I stayed calm and collective and told her that food goes in your belly and not on the walls, in your hair, on your sister or in Daddy's face.  

All it took was something tiny to happen to put me over.  That tiny something was me trying to pull out only 1 wet wipe while changing Ellie's mud diaper.    In doing so, 10 came out.  FUCK.  

(For parents who have changed a child know EXACTLY what im talking about. The fucking baby wipes NEVER come out one at a time.  Why cant only 1 come out and not 50 at once, forcing to push them all back in with your shitty dirty hands!!!! )  

Sorry for the rant.. where was i.. 

Oh yes.. the baby wipe.  So I attempted to pull 1 baby wipe out and I got 3 instead.  

I screamed "Holy SHIT!!!!!"

There was complete silence. Daddy had raised his voice.  Ellie just looked at me smiling and Ava just stared at me and wasnt sure if she was in trouble or not.  When she realized she wasn't, the silence was broken with:

HOLY FIT

My child's first attempt at cursing failed miserably.  Instead of saying Holy Shit, she said Holy Fit.  Seriously,  how embarrassing is this.  CANT SHE DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!???

Kidding.. i looked at her in horror as she ran around the room with underwear on her head screaming Holy Fit, Holy Fit. Ellie just continued to smile.    

Ava said it a few times then stopped.  I then looked at Ellie and smiled back at her until I realized that she had gotten shit all over her legs because she was kicking her legs in her open diaper - which made her now look like she had run a mud race - while I was focused on Ava's new vocabulary. 

"FUCK!!!!,"  I yelled

And as the words came out of my mouth, I tried to grab them with my hands and push them back down. It was too late. 

"FUCK. FUCK.  HOLY FIT.  FUCK.  FUCK.  HOLY FIT.  FUCK. FUCK," Ava yelled around the room screaming.  

The fun lasted about another 5 minutes.  I didnt say a word to Ava.  She had stopped and forgotten at the moment.  Until 1 weeks ago, when she hit her hand on something and said "Fuck!" .   Hey, at least she knows how to use it properly!  ;-)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

My Justin Timberlake Experience .. and my shameful beer snob status

I have seen some great legends live in concert over the years.  Paul McCartney, Billy Joel, One Direction - to name a few.  But one in particular - Mr Justin Timberlake aka Justin Bart or JB as he goes by - was one for the ages. 

I got to enjoy this spectacular human with my beard wife Rose last night at the Prudential Center, in the city of dreams, Newark NJ.




The Perineal Massage..

My wife is approaching her 37th week of pregnancy.  Apparently, in your 37th week you are supposed to begin massaging your perineum.  "What's a perineum", you asked as so did i?  The perineum is basically the taint.  "Ahhhh.. ok.  I get it.  But massage it??", is what i asked.  Yes, massaging it helps with the pain when the baby crowns during childbirth.  "So just rub it or sumthin?" (in Chip Chipperson voice .. Opie and Anthony fans anyone??)  Not quite.. 
Here are the instructions on how to successfully massage your perineum:

The Christmas Glitter Bomb

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.