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Showing posts from June, 2014

Terrible Twos: The Sh*tty Masterpiece (literally)

{Disclaimer - Before i begin, I just wanted to state that in order for me to post this my wife made me state the following:

Ava has been doing much better with potty training since this incident and has already peed on the potty numerous times 6 days in a row.  As for poop.. well we are getting there but this will never happen again! 
In order for me to get my wife's blessings to post this, I had to put this disclaimer.  Please continue reading now.. }

Our daughter has picked up a new habit:  taking off her entire clothes including her diaper at any given time of day.  She did it once in front of my brother and nephew.  She tried to do it in my father's yard while we were chillaxing having a bbq.  She's a complete nudist.  But thats not the worst part. 

Sometimes she thinks its fun to pee when she does this.  This would be phenom if she was doing this near a toilet.  But she is nowhere near one.  Perhaps she thinks shes a dog and is marking her terrirtory.  I dont know.  Lucki…

23 Reasons Why Dads Rule

I've recently thought about how great we as Dads are.  So I compiled a list of some of the phenomenal things we do for our family.  I am sure each and every Father can relate to this.  Your welcome Mothers. 

23 reasons why Dads rule:  We can move heavy furniture around to get dropped toys that so conveniently fall behind hard-to-reach placesWe can open baby food jars that are hard to openWe can reach objects in high places that are hard to get.We can carry heavy thingsWe can remind the Mother that the baby is crying and needs to be changed, fed or is due for their napWe can keep the couch warm for the Mother while she is running around like a lunatic with the ChildWe can be sure to keep track of the location of important things like the TV remoteWe can post adorable pics of the Child on Facebook and other social media networks and be sure to tag the MotherWe can test the food that the Mother makes for the family and check for flavor and temperature and save a little for the Child an…

Stories From a BMW Service Waiting Room

I recently had to get my tire serviced at my car dealership.  Its the second time now in 4 months that ive had to get my tires replaced.  Luckily, i have tire insurance or it would cost me easily 300 bucks a pop.  Here is where I should write that I have a BMW.  I am not bragging. Its a car and its used. Booo.  But I'm telling you this because NOBODY tells you that these cars cost like 17,000 to repair.  This includes the tires!  Luckily I have another 28k on my warranty AND i actually paid for a tire insurance plan. Who knew that shit would actually help me! 

The Official UnOfficial What to Expect When Your Expecting Handbook PT1

When you hear those magical words "I'm pregnant" thousands of thoughts pop in your head like: Can I still sit on the couch with my hand down my pants or Can I still walk around the house nude or, the obvi, Can I still perform puppetry with my penis to my wife every Sunday night?  

As you may have guessed the answer is: of course you can.  That is, if you want your child to grow up just like you.  Sure.  Why not.  But the real question that people have is "What can I expect?" 
This is where i come in.  Babies dont come with a handbook..until now. 
Here is the unofficial what-to-expect-when-your-expecting guideline and how to prepare.