Skip to main content

Sh*t I'm Giving Up For Lent

Lent begins with dirty foreheads and ends with easter bunnies.  But somewhere in between, for 40 days, people give up bad habits.  Some people give up fast food.  Some porn.  Some soda.  Some waxing their banals.  And some people give up giving up shit - the latter being me!  

But this year, I've taking a stand and decided that it is time that i partake in this 'giving up' bullshit.  So I thought long and hard and felt that, after being titled Father of the Year and Husband of the Year by my amazing wife, I thought it was only right that I give up these titles for Lent.  I mean.. i cant be too picky now.  It's not always about me.  

With that in mind, here are 8 things that I will sacrifice for Lent:

  1. After a long day from work, coming home and picking up both kids from my wife's tired arms and playing with them both while making dinner for the family with my shirt off.  Then, give both kids their baths, put them in PJs and read them both fairy tale stories of Princes named Danny.  Return downstairs to my tired wife and massage her feet and body to sleep.  Carry her upstairs to our bedroom and tuck her in while tending to our 4 month's old bad sleeping habits throughout the night. Unfortunately, i will have to stop all this for Lent. 
  2. Withdraw from bringing home 3 dozen roses to my lovely Rose on a weekly basis.
  3. Turn off the movies and shows that stream 24 hours on our computers, TVs and iPads:  Dirty Dancing, Sleepless in Seattle, The Notebook, My Best Friends Wedding, Ghost, Pretty Woman, Titanic, Love Actually, An Officer and a Gentleman, Ps I love You, Jerry Maguire, Divine Secrets of YaYa Sisterhood, Sex and the City movies and all its TV shows, Fried Green Tomatoes, The Housewives of {fill in the city} and finally the amazing Twilight movies. 
  4. Stop leaving I Love You notes around the house, in text messages, on Facebook and scribbled on mini dry erase boards and telling her how DOG GONE beautiful she is!! 
  5. Take a break from having intense dreams of my wife's beauty.
  6. Listening intently to my wife as she tells fascinating stories of her day and everything in between. 
  7. Showing her images of this and telling her this will be us on a daily basis:
  8. Telling my boss that I cannot travel to Germany for work due to priorities and responsibilities at home and that, any future promotions that this may entail, will just have to wait or be forfeited.

The truth is I now have material for a later blog titled "8 Things a Woman Dreams Of"

Happy Lent and good luck giving shit up Bitches! 


Popular posts from this blog

My Justin Timberlake Experience .. and my shameful beer snob status

I have seen some great legends live in concert over the years.  Paul McCartney, Billy Joel, One Direction - to name a few.  But one in particular - Mr Justin Timberlake aka Justin Bart or JB as he goes by - was one for the ages. 

I got to enjoy this spectacular human with my beard wife Rose last night at the Prudential Center, in the city of dreams, Newark NJ.

The Christmas Glitter Bomb

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.  

The Perineal Massage..

My wife is approaching her 37th week of pregnancy.  Apparently, in your 37th week you are supposed to begin massaging your perineum.  "What's a perineum", you asked as so did i?  The perineum is basically the taint.  "Ahhhh.. ok.  I get it.  But massage it??", is what i asked.  Yes, massaging it helps with the pain when the baby crowns during childbirth.  "So just rub it or sumthin?" (in Chip Chipperson voice .. Opie and Anthony fans anyone??)  Not quite.. 
Here are the instructions on how to successfully massage your perineum: