Skip to main content

10 Reasons Why Mom's Rule

On this Mother's day...

Being a Mom is truly a gift.  Although I am not one, i cannot speak directly but I can say that having a daughter and watching my wife in action really puts it into perspective.  My mother kicked ass as a Mom and you don't realize how good of a job she did until you get older and learn to appreciate the difficulties that come with being a parent.

Having said all that, Mom's rule and here are 10 reasons why:



1 - They have boobs.   Duh.  This is a given.  It's amazing how those beautiful sacks of goodness actually give off life-needing milk needed for survival.  It's awesome, yet weird at the same time.  




2 - They are natural nurturers.   When a baby falls and hit its head it cries to Mommy.  When a baby gets scared shitless because it thinks the balloons are alive and coming to eat her, they go to Mommy.  When a baby shits all over itself, they go to nobody.  But Mommy is the first person to clean up the mess.  When a baby wants to play, they goto Daddy!  (at least mine does) :-) 


3 - Did I mention they have boobs?


4 - They can multi-task like a mofo.  I find it amazing how a woman can do the laundry, clean the kitchen, make dinner, vaccuum the floor, clean up hubby's mess and still look pretty all while holding her baby.  It truly is an art. The only thing i can multi-task is watching TV while playing Candy Crush on my iPhone. 


5 - They know every nursery rhyme and children's song.  Perhaps this is just my wife but i feel that she knows every single word to every song ever when it comes to children songs.  I can barely sing my ABC's.  


6 - They have the power of sleep.  I dont know how they do it but their soothing voice can put any baby to sleep.  Well, eventually I guess.  Men dont have the patience to rock a baby to sleep.  We'd rather be watching Sports Center.  (I made believe I was a man there as I'd rather be watching Bravo.)


7 - Duh, they have boobs.  And when they're pregnant, they get bigger!


8 - They keep EVERYTHING in order.  My wife is the glue to our household.  If she wasn't there, EVERYTHING would be out of place.  Somehow Moms know how to keep our daily lives in place. If she wasn't there, my daughter would be wearing a 3T boys outfit while drinking soda out of a bottle.  The house would be a disaster and our refrigerator would be filled with protein shakes and beer.  


9 - They create life.  Let's be honest.  There is not much a man needs to do to create a child.  We have sex.  That's it.  Then we just wait.  Meanwhile, the woman is going through a billion changes in her body as she carries this amazing thing called life inside her.  Every man should be respectful and loving towards Moms just for this.  One time I didn't poop for a week.  The pain was terrible.  I complained about it everyday until Doomsday came.  My wife carried my daughter for 9+ months.  Her body went through a slew of changes.  Her back hurt her.  Her sides hurt her.  Her ribs hurt her.  Her boobs hurt her. Yet she didnt complain nearly as much as I did when i couldnt poop for a week.  Guys suck. 


10 - And finally... they have boobs.. duh. 







HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL THE MOMMIES OUT THERE!  THANK YOU BECAUSE WE WOULDN'T BE HERE WITHOUT YOU!

Comments

  1. Haha. Great blog DB. And you would rather watch SHARK WEEK on DISCOVERY. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10:28 AM

    Danny- Do they have boobs? Christina

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Justin Timberlake Experience .. and my shameful beer snob status

I have seen some great legends live in concert over the years.  Paul McCartney, Billy Joel, One Direction - to name a few.  But one in particular - Mr Justin Timberlake aka Justin Bart or JB as he goes by - was one for the ages. 

I got to enjoy this spectacular human with my beard wife Rose last night at the Prudential Center, in the city of dreams, Newark NJ.




The Perineal Massage..

My wife is approaching her 37th week of pregnancy.  Apparently, in your 37th week you are supposed to begin massaging your perineum.  "What's a perineum", you asked as so did i?  The perineum is basically the taint.  "Ahhhh.. ok.  I get it.  But massage it??", is what i asked.  Yes, massaging it helps with the pain when the baby crowns during childbirth.  "So just rub it or sumthin?" (in Chip Chipperson voice .. Opie and Anthony fans anyone??)  Not quite.. 
Here are the instructions on how to successfully massage your perineum:

The Christmas Glitter Bomb

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.