Skip to main content

The Garage Door Situation

Ok.  So recently I bought a new car; a BMW actually.  I'm officially a snob.  I was very fancy before, but now i have the ride to prove it.  In truth, my daughter turns 17 in almost 16 years from now so I figured she would need a good reliable car. #Polish  Regardless, I'm broke and I'm beginning to realize that my blogging will not pay the bills in my near future.  So, making myself feel better, I, for once, tried to do something useful - set my "universal garage door opener" that came equipped in my beautiful new ride.  An easy I thought.

The BMW manual is your typical manual, but online, its MAGICAL!  Each cool item in your car contains a rad video of how to use it and what exactly it is.  I was so intrigued that I even read the video on how to adjust the steering wheel.  Shah!   So I watched the following video on how to set my "universal garage door opener".  (theres really no need to watch. It just adds a bit of aesthetics to my lame blog)

Seem simple?  Absolutely not. BTW..if you watched this video, this guy just screams IMA PRICK!

Let me preface this process by stating that I live in a townhouse.  This is very prevalent for the story and you will see how this plays in later...

So, where to begin.  My wife and my baby are sleeping so i decide to make my way out to my driveway to attempt the impossible - set the garage door opener.  I see my neighbor and we wave in unison.  He is doing something in his car but I'm not paying attention.  I get in and play the above video in my car.  Immediately the bluetooth picks up the video playing and plays this through the car speakers.  Sorry.. just had to show off again.  I have a BMW.  Anyways, so I begin to follow the steps:

  1. Press the first and third button on the rear view mirror and hold simultaneously to clear out any existing codes.  DONE
  2. Next, hold the first button and press and hold the remote garage door opener - yes i already have a remote garage door opener obviously but why use that if i can program it in my car..duh.  DONE
  3. Wait for the yellow light to blink rapidly.   BOO
Ok.. that is where nothing happens.  Instead the yellow flashing just stops.  Hmm.  

After trying this many times, I notice my neighbor doing something in his car and in the garage.  Again, I am not paying attention to anything but this stupid video and how it is NOT working.  

I decide to go into my garage, get on a step ladder and goto to the motor base to see if i can get it to work this way.  I follow the base instructions:  "Press the Learn button.  You have 30 seconds to click the remote garage door opener to activate."  So I do this.  I press the "learn" button, run to my car and press the universal garage door opener in my car.  Nothing happens.  Repeat this process about 5 times = major frustrations. To top it off, my car is hot and now im sweating.  

Finally, I throw in the towel.  On a side note, living in a townhome does nothing but make you lazy and spoiled.  I pay for things to get done externally to my home, therefore, i know how to do NOTHING!  And now it is clear that I dont even know how to program a car "universal garage door opener".  Or do i?

As i click the opener one last time in desperation - like when Michael J Fox bangs his head on the steering wheel and the car starts in the epic film Back to the Future - so does the garage door.  Only its not my garage door that opens.  No.  Its my neighbors!!  Remember I told you I live in a townhome?  Well, our homes are attached..get it.  

I'm like WHAT THE FUCK as i am in complete control of his garage.  I then take advantage and steal lots of stuff from his garage unbeknownst to him.  Just kidding.  As the door opens, he comes out of his garage confused.  He then clicks his remote to close. Suddenly, my garage door opens.  We look at each other like we just swapped lives like in the movie The Change-Up.  

Apparently, as it turns out, he was also setting his garage door at the same time as me.  What the hell is the chance of this!!   And we apparently "crossed the streams" and as a result took ownership of each others homes.  It was a very funny moment.  We both started to correct the issue by resetting our garage door openers at the same time until we realized that maybe one should go first this time.  After a few minutes everything was back to normal.  Normal, as in, my universal garage door opener in my car still does not work! I will just stick to using the remote.  Boooo.

Morale of this story.. I have a BMW.  #Snob

Spread the Bart Chronicles by "liking" my page.  


  1. Anonymous1:33 PM

    okay i am dying. this is hilarious - your tech here sounds like mine- since brain surgery it takes forever for me to like find an app on my phone lol- your perspective on life is fresh and funny- i totally love you- i just talked to your wife today was gonna ask her what is up with your blogging- appaprently its behind bc your stuck in the freaking garage, snob : )))) officially a snob but my brother and sis-in-law have one too so I'm accustomed to luxury...there there- christina

  2. Thanks C.. ive been so meaning to blog. I feel that i have no time lately for anything. This happened yesterday so it was fresh on my mind. Got a few baby ideas in the works.. Keep reading and spread the love.

  3. Anonymous4:32 AM

    Haha. That was a great true story


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Justin Timberlake Experience .. and my shameful beer snob status

I have seen some great legends live in concert over the years.  Paul McCartney, Billy Joel, One Direction - to name a few.  But one in particular - Mr Justin Timberlake aka Justin Bart or JB as he goes by - was one for the ages. 

I got to enjoy this spectacular human with my beard wife Rose last night at the Prudential Center, in the city of dreams, Newark NJ.

The Christmas Glitter Bomb

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.  

The Perineal Massage..

My wife is approaching her 37th week of pregnancy.  Apparently, in your 37th week you are supposed to begin massaging your perineum.  "What's a perineum", you asked as so did i?  The perineum is basically the taint.  "Ahhhh.. ok.  I get it.  But massage it??", is what i asked.  Yes, massaging it helps with the pain when the baby crowns during childbirth.  "So just rub it or sumthin?" (in Chip Chipperson voice .. Opie and Anthony fans anyone??)  Not quite.. 
Here are the instructions on how to successfully massage your perineum: