Skip to main content


Showing posts from 2013

2013 - My Annual Thankful List

This year there are so many things to be thankful for.  Of course the obvious - my amazing wife and my 2 AWESOME girls.  They are my rock and I would have no material to write about without them so THANKS!!!

Then of course my parents who gave birth to an amazing, phenomenal man - ME.  Thanks guys!!

Then to the second funniest man I know (behind me) my brother Steve Bart.  I am thankful for his wonderful brews that he brings me in need and the fantastic Dogfish beers he will be bringing me in a mere 3 hours!  Woohooo.  THANKS!!

And to the 60,000 eyes that have seen my blog in the last couple years - THANKS, but now share that shit to other people. WTF!!!!

Ok.. now to the list.

The Official 'Ellie Danielle Comes Home' Video

A year and a half ago when my daughter was born i made this video. So I hhaaddd to make one for my second child.

Meet Ellie Danielle and watch her fantastic journey from the hospital and into our exciting Bart household.  Enjoy

Help spread the Bart Chronicles to every household in the nation by sharing and spreading the word.  'Tis the season.. just sayin

1,137 Steps

A few nights ago I started a new workout routine in my home:  The Walk-Around-The-Room-With-Your-Baby-At-2AM workout.  It was riveting and exciting and I can feel and see the difference already! 

So what does this workout entail?  Its simple.  

Get a baby.  The baby must be cranky and not want to sleep. Hold the baby in your armsWalk around the room Curse occasionallyCount your stepsPut the baby down (down as in "in her crib, bed, bassinet, the neighbors front porch)WaitPick baby back up after 1 minute due to crying and wanting to be heldpick a god and pray to itRepeat for 2 hoursBAM.   Its that simple. 
Soon-to-be parents are probably asking "why not just sit down".  No No.  Babies have a special sense that can tell when you have decided to sit down and rest your body after an hour of midnight pacing.  Once their brain recognizes this sense, its back to crying and your screwed for another 2 hours - but thats another blog. 

I didn't start #5 until about an hour into thi…

Party of 4 - The birth of my second child

"IT'S A GIRL!!!," said the Dr to us as he delivered my perfect little baby girl after a 36 hour intensive, blood-sweat-and-tears labor session.  The room filled of 30 plus nurses, doctors and interns gave out a huge applause as our new addition cried as she dangled from the Drs arms.  Rose and I embraced one another and kissed as our perfectly squeaky clean baby came over into our arms - a picture perfect moment.  

Unfortunately, thats not what happened.  We had a scheduled C-Section that was scheduled since like February.  It was scheduled for 7:30am and she was born at 8:05am.  Yayyyy. And we knew we were having a girl since May and there were only like 4 people in the room when she was born.  I just didn't know how else to start this blog.  ;-)

AYDS - The reason why a bad name can kill your company. Literally.

"I used aids to lose weight"

is something you may have heard in the late 70s and early 80s.  

But the name does not imply to the horrific disease that attacks your immune system eventually killing you.  No.  This aids is actually spelled A-Y-D-S and was a very popular appetite suppressant candy in the 70s and 80s - just prior to the devastating AIDS virus. 

Today its simply an example on how the name of your company can kill you. Literally.  

Here are some of their commercials.  I hate to say it but they are pretty fucking funny given the context.  

and this

and my favorite

So get this. When the company decided that it was time to rename the company in the late 80s due to concern with the new AIDS virus, they change it to Diet AYDS.  Smart.  Of course the company went under the next year. 

An Interesting Walk With My Ava

"Don't worry.  I got change", is what I heard come from his mouth..
Where do I begin?
I had just gotten home from getting my hair did.  My side part aka side Bart aka The Bart was looking good and I was feeling good.  My wife was going out with the girls so that meant it was Ava and Danny night!  Woohooo!! Nothing worse than walking around with the shirt you got your hair did in.  It's itchy and uncomfortable.  So before our walk, I changed into my Biggie shirt, a pair of Jcrew seersucker shorts and some green flip flops.  I was looking snazzy I must say.

The Crazy Category Scale - Why do woman want to touch, eat and bite my baby?

Have you ever walked down the street and saw a stranger walking an adorable dog.  As you approach you do that doggy voice and make that stupid face and squat down to the dog's level and attempt to talk in a language that a dog would, i suppose, understand.  Then after the dog starts licking you and loving you, you realize that the owner is just staring at you as if you are a fucking asshole.

The Breast Epidemic

Mardi Gras, Opie and Anthony's WOW promo, Woodstock concerts, topless strip clubs, mammogram checks, South Beach, Sophia Vergara - What do all these have in common?  You guessed it:


Theres a strange fad that has been taking the world by storm.  A fad that women feel enticed to bare their breasts to the public.  This phenomenon is all over the streets, in the train stations, bus stops and on the bus, at Target, Chipotles, in the car, in traffic, shit even at work.  You've seen it and you know exactly what I'm talking about. 

35 signs I'm approaching 35

As i approach the tender age of 35, I realize that Im certainly not a kid anymore; although i certainly still act like one. 

Here is a list of signs that I'm reaching my mid 30's  :-(((((

1 - A perfect night for me now is laying in bed with my wife playing candy crush while watching House Hunters instead of a night of binge drinking and/or wild crazy sex.

2 - Instead of drinking $1 drafts all night long, I am perfectly OK - actually ecstatic - to pay $6-$8 for a very tasty craft beer.  I usually have 2 or 3 but on a really good night I will shoot for 4!

No No No

There's a certain word that is said in our household more times than Lindsey Lohan goes to rehab and it's not "please" as i desperately ask my wife for some loving.  "Please" is actually the second most common word used in our household.  The first one is the word NO..which is now the new black.

My Threesome Experience

Recently my wife Rose and I have been engaging in a little bit of fun.  I'm not embarrassed by this by any means. I mean, we wait until our daughter goes to sleep.  Then, when the baby is asleep and the mood is right, we welcome Penelope, or Penny for short, in our bedroom. 

Babies vs Dogs - The epic battle

As my daughter turns 13 months, I cannot help but compare her to a dog.  Let me preface this by saying that I dont think my daughter is a dog but she shares many similarities with the behavior as one.  I don't own a dog but many people I know do and I can't help but think this. 

Oh shut up and read on to see what I mean! 

Here is a list of the battle of babies vs dogs.  See how they compare.

My Pennsylvania Starbucks Experience

It's been awhile since my last Starbucks experience.  I knew it was only a matter of time until another one would surface.  I knew for sure this would happen. It was inevitable.  But i never thought this would happen while attending a training session for work this past week in King of Prussia, PA.  Oh boy. 

King of Prussia has 2 things:  Valley Forge and the country's largest mall*.  There's a * after "mall" for a reason.  This is because the Mall of America is technically the biggest mall in retail in the US BUT as per size the King of Prussia Mall takes the cake.  

10 Reasons Why Mom's Rule

On this Mother's day...

Being a Mom is truly a gift.  Although I am not one, i cannot speak directly but I can say that having a daughter and watching my wife in action really puts it into perspective.  My mother kicked ass as a Mom and you don't realize how good of a job she did until you get older and learn to appreciate the difficulties that come with being a parent.

Having said all that, Mom's rule and here are 10 reasons why:

The Garage Door Situation

Ok.  So recently I bought a new car; a BMW actually.  I'm officially a snob.  I was very fancy before, but now i have the ride to prove it.  In truth, my daughter turns 17 in almost 16 years from now so I figured she would need a good reliable car. #Polish  Regardless, I'm broke and I'm beginning to realize that my blogging will not pay the bills in my near future.  So, making myself feel better, I, for once, tried to do something useful - set my "universal garage door opener" that came equipped in my beautiful new ride.  An easy I thought.

Creamer Challenge Accepted

At a recent breakfast with a good buddy of mine, Anthony aka "Fran", there was a dilemma:   Fran was out of creamer for his coffee.  Now, usually this would be a simple task of asking the waitress for some more creamer, but what fun would that be.  

We noticed the table next to us had creamers on it and occupying this table were an adorable elderly couple talking about elderly stuff.  So, I gave Fran a challenge:
Get a creamer from the next door table without anybody seeing you. 
Sounds simple?  Let's see how he did.

Tell all your friends about!! 

My 5 AWESOME Baby Inventions

The beauty of raising a child comes from within.  If you can look past all the shit, literally and figuratively, you have to go through in order to keep that child happy, it's totally worth it.  However, when your "in the moment", you have to try to keep your mind occupied.  It's during these times that I'm usually thinking of shit that wasn't invented for babies but should be.  All of these ideas  are patented so please don't try to steal any. 

I give you my 5 famous soon-to-be baby inventions:

My 26 Awesome Baby Tips

Having a baby requires a lot of work. It also conjures up the mind to think of the best google search terms imaginable to find answers to your infinite questions.  Well look no further.  I have the best tips you will ever need because, let's face it, I am a professional now after raising a 9.5 month old daughter {sarcasm intended}

My 26 AWESOME tips: