The Bart Chronicles

It's that time of year again.  A time when you wake up and open your window on Christmas morning and hope that you will see a beautiful picturesque landscape of snow falling and glistening on the treetops, children frolicking and sleigh riding on the hill in the distance and people smiling as the street dances with laughter and snow.  

This picture, unfortunately, only exists in the Hollywood movie sets or in the minds of people who live where it is hot and assume that this is how it is. It is not. 

It's that time of year again.  A time when memories and images of Christmas past come invading your brain as you try to get through this hectic holiday season.  A time when you think back to when you were a little kid and couldn't wait for Christmas to come. A time when you had absolutely no responsiblities, no bills to pay, no presents to buy and only had to answer to 1 person - Mom and Dad (collectively!) 

As this time of year comes I always get nostalgic and now that I have a little girl of my own, I cant help but think of how my life was when i was a little Bart. I'd like to take you on a trip with me down memory lane and celebrate my Christmas memories...

It's that time of year again.  A time to eat everything and anything that the human belly can hold.  A time where it is OK to eat cookies for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Yes..I'm talking about the holidays.   A time where one can easily put on 75lbs in 2 weeks and become diabetic overnight.

Its that time of year again.  A time to celebrate a holiday that has an interesting back story about a fat man and presents. We forget the true meaning of Christmas and that it is indeed a special person's birthday.  Over the years, Christmas has turned more into a shopping fest as Macys, Walmart and other HUGE stores seem to control the market for what it is you are supposed to get your loved ones.  Unfortunately, now we use this day to buy a years worth of presents and other crap we dont need for our households.  But how did this happen and how did Christmas even come about? 

With a HUGE holiday comes many interesting facts you may not even know existed.  I give you DBart's interesting Christmas facts:

It's that time of year again.  A time when a fat man wearing a girls outfit that doesn't fit, comes down your chimney even if you dont have one,  and places gifts underneath a tree that you cut down and placed in your home.  Yes. This is Christmas.

It's that time of year again.  A time where everyone seems happy as the year comes to an end and the holiday spirit takes over.  There is great music and tons of Christmas cheer.  Then there is also the ShitMas crap that you have to deal with during the holiday season.  Of course, I have created a list of crap that annoys me during Christmas.  I am sure that you can relate to at least one of these.

Its that time of year again.  A time to make your list and check it twice because some fat man in a little suit is going to find out who is naughty or nice.  If you were like me, this was also the time to request anything and everything you have always wanted EVER.  Of course you knew that Santa would never give you 732 gifts even if you were the best kid on the block but you still hoped for the best.  My thinking was if i asked for everything and anything then i wouldn't get disappointed if Santa was on a tight budget that year.

Its that time of year again.  A time to exchange gifts with the ones you love.  It's also a time of year when you take that shitty gift and give it to someone else.  This is called the regift or, as you would be called: a re-gifter.  Its a common practice that has taken place for centuries.  I believe that the original St Nicholas, whom has said to start the gift giving tradition in the 4th century, regifted a bunch of ugly Christmas sweaters that his mother and grandmother had knitted him over the years and gave them to his neighbors all of whom regifted them to other people and the regifting and exchange of presents on Christmas was born!

It's that time of year again.  A time where people spend lots of money and time to decorate their house so it can be seen from outer space OR so Santa Claus can see it from the North Pole? Only scholars know the true meaning. Regardless, when you sit back and think about what we do to our houses, its actually quite psychotic. The fact that we decorate our houses for a month of the year with crazy lights and decorations is just bizarre.

Its that time of year again. A time when you hear the same 25 Christmas songs over and over again sang by every single popular artist to ever create a hit single since 1945.  The radio stations change their format allowing you to hear these 25 Christmas songs for 24 hours for 3 months.  And for some strange reason i like this.  

One song that has always tickled my tummy and that i cringe everytime i hear it is - and i'm certain you guessed it by the title of this blog - The 12 Days of Christmas.  

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.