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Showing posts from 2012

12 Days of Christmas - I'm dreaming of a sunny, hot, green Christmas.

It's that time of year again.  A time when you wake up and open your window on Christmas morning and hope that you will see a beautiful picturesque landscape of snow falling and glistening on the treetops, children frolicking and sleigh riding on the hill in the distance and people smiling as the street dances with laughter and snow.  

This picture, unfortunately, only exists in the Hollywood movie sets or in the minds of people who live where it is hot and assume that this is how it is. It is not. 

A Christmas Story - a trip down memory lane

It's that time of year again.  A time when memories and images of Christmas past come invading your brain as you try to get through this hectic holiday season.  A time when you think back to when you were a little kid and couldn't wait for Christmas to come. A time when you had absolutely no responsiblities, no bills to pay, no presents to buy and only had to answer to 1 person - Mom and Dad (collectively!) 

As this time of year comes I always get nostalgic and now that I have a little girl of my own, I cant help but think of how my life was when i was a little Bart. I'd like to take you on a trip with me down memory lane and celebrate my Christmas memories...

12 Days of Christmas = 12 Days of Eating

It's that time of year again.  A time to eat everything and anything that the human belly can hold.  A time where it is OK to eat cookies for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Yes..I'm talking about the holidays.   A time where one can easily put on 75lbs in 2 weeks and become diabetic overnight.

16 Things you never knew about Christmas

Its that time of year again.  A time to celebrate a holiday that has an interesting back story about a fat man and presents. We forget the true meaning of Christmas and that it is indeed a special person's birthday.  Over the years, Christmas has turned more into a shopping fest as Macys, Walmart and other HUGE stores seem to control the market for what it is you are supposed to get your loved ones.  Unfortunately, now we use this day to buy a years worth of presents and other crap we dont need for our households.  But how did this happen and how did Christmas even come about? 

With a HUGE holiday comes many interesting facts you may not even know existed.  I give you DBart's interesting Christmas facts:

12 Days of Christmas Blogging - Day 7: The Santa Clause

It's that time of year again.  A time when a fat man wearing a girls outfit that doesn't fit, comes down your chimney even if you dont have one,  and places gifts underneath a tree that you cut down and placed in your home.  Yes. This is Christmas.

12 Days of Christmas Blogging - Day 6: Sh*tmas List

It's that time of year again.  A time where everyone seems happy as the year comes to an end and the holiday spirit takes over.  There is great music and tons of Christmas cheer.  Then there is also the ShitMas crap that you have to deal with during the holiday season.  Of course, I have created a list of crap that annoys me during Christmas.  I am sure that you can relate to at least one of these.

12 days of Christmas - Day 5: My Christmas List

Its that time of year again.  A time to make your list and check it twice because some fat man in a little suit is going to find out who is naughty or nice.  If you were like me, this was also the time to request anything and everything you have always wanted EVER.  Of course you knew that Santa would never give you 732 gifts even if you were the best kid on the block but you still hoped for the best.  My thinking was if i asked for everything and anything then i wouldn't get disappointed if Santa was on a tight budget that year.

12 Days of Christmas Blogging - Day 4: The ReGifter

Its that time of year again.  A time to exchange gifts with the ones you love.  It's also a time of year when you take that shitty gift and give it to someone else.  This is called the regift or, as you would be called: a re-gifter.  Its a common practice that has taken place for centuries.  I believe that the original St Nicholas, whom has said to start the gift giving tradition in the 4th century, regifted a bunch of ugly Christmas sweaters that his mother and grandmother had knitted him over the years and gave them to his neighbors all of whom regifted them to other people and the regifting and exchange of presents on Christmas was born!

12 Days of Christmas Blogging - Day 3: And on the 3rd Day God Said, "Let There Be Christmas Lights!"

It's that time of year again.  A time where people spend lots of money and time to decorate their house so it can be seen from outer space OR so Santa Claus can see it from the North Pole? Only scholars know the true meaning. Regardless, when you sit back and think about what we do to our houses, its actually quite psychotic. The fact that we decorate our houses for a month of the year with crazy lights and decorations is just bizarre.

The 12 Days of Christmas Song and Its Meaning

Its that time of year again. A time when you hear the same 25 Christmas songs over and over again sang by every single popular artist to ever create a hit single since 1945.  The radio stations change their format allowing you to hear these 25 Christmas songs for 24 hours for 3 months.  And for some strange reason i like this.  

One song that has always tickled my tummy and that i cringe everytime i hear it is - and i'm certain you guessed it by the title of this blog - The 12 Days of Christmas.  

The Christmas Glitter Bomb

Its that time of year again.  A time when people and family members that you haven't talked to, well, since last Christmas, reach out with open arms and send you their annual Christmas card.  We took part this year as we now have a newborn.  We both felt obliged to show off our little one to everyone on our wedding list and beyond.  It felt nice.  It's more of a hey-look-how-cute-our-kid-is behind a Merry Christmas message.  Regardless, our card was a simple photo that did NOT have a surprise waiting as you opened up the envelope. A surprise that jumps out at you and says "SURPRISEEEEEE!!!oh and merry christmas"  I'm talking about the glitter bomb.  You all know who you are.  

PowerBall 500 million jackpot and your chances of winning

Right now as i type this there is a half billion lottery reading in progress . yes 500 million for those incapable of realizing what half billion dollars is.  So of course i bought a ticket.. 20 to be exact.  Why not?  What's not to lose.  Sure the odds are against you but by how much.  Well, i came up with a little analogy / story to help you realize just how much the odds are against you.

2012 - My Annual Thankful List

Its that time again. Thanksgiving.  A time to be thankful for so many things.  For one.. we should all be thankful for the Pilgrims coming to good ol America to escape their boring taxed lives and in England and search for religious freedom, meeting the Indians, sharing a dinner with them and then skinning them and their children and the rest of their well being before taking over all of once again be overly taxed.. booooooo.  Well done boys..well done.

Breaking News: Frankenstorm is coming. Be prepared!

Frankenstorm is coming peeps.  You know what that means?  SHOP TILL YOU DROP!!!!!
Time to hit up the essentials:  16 2-liter bottles of soda (even though i dont drink soda), $40 worth of candles because the 10 or so i have in my house isn't enough, 50 cases of diapers (because my daughter will go through more diapers if the power goes out?), 2 extra dozen of eggs because the 2 dozen i already have may expire during the storm (even though the date says November 10th but you never know), 3 more gallons of milk just in case the tap water goes bad and the stove goes out so we can't boil water and there is nothing more to drink for 1 day (we will all have the shits but who cares..we have to survive!), a few extra boxes of tissues just in case one shall get sick during the 2 day storm, frozen dinners because if the power goes out we can at least eat these (but wait..this requires the microwave or an oven..hmmm), 3 more loaves of bread in case i get hungry for more sandwiches should …

5 things i learned from the Presidential debate

For anybody who is not political, like myself, here is what i learned from last nights debates:

A Very Strange Evening

We recently celebrated Bart Day.  It's our unofficial-official holiday that is very personal to my wife and I.  This year was even more special with the addition of our little 5 month old squirt Ava.  Not to bore everyone with the details of our day (i can write a HUGE blog about all the fun things we did) but we had an exciting and tiring day. For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook would be rolling their eyes because of my exuberant abundant status updates that proceeded us all day long on our travels. It was EPIC.

6 Things They Don't Teach You in the Baby Books

There are some things that you think you need to know about having a baby such as money, time consumption, how to change a diaper and crying.  The truth is this is the easy part.  You realize really quick that you simply adjust and all the things that you were so worried about become really not an issue at all.

However, there are some things that were not taught to me and made me say WTF very loudly many times!!

BREAKING NEWS: Justin Bieber throws up his milk and cookies on stage.

Teenage "heartthrob" Justin Bieber threw up his milk and cookies on stage on the first night of his world tour.  Perhaps some butterfly jitters?  Too much drinking?  Morning sickness?  You be the judge.  I warn you.. unless you want to throw up yourself from hearing this shite, skip to the 2:00 minute mark.  This is where the good stuff happens.

After watching the video you will see that Bieber is not only a phenomenal singer and entertainer but he is also a fantastic magician.  How so?  Well during and after he is throwing up, he seems to be still singing in perfect harmony.  Strange.  Perhaps Bieber got some Milli Vanilli advice.  

Not once, but twice he throws up on stage.  He blames it on the milk he had prior to the show.  Seriously?  Milk?  Does this kid no how to party or what?? 

Baby Ava Impressing the Judges

This "trick" only took 1 time..  Our little Ava is going to be a comedian like her hack father.  While trying to make her laugh I made some noises while clapping my mouth.  Then when I tried it on her she immediately followed me and made some noises.  It was awesome.

Rose immediately got her camera out and started shooting Ava's starring role.  This video will end wars and hunger. I guarantee it.

Oh..and dont be hating on my heart PJs and my hot BOD or my wife's awesome laugh!  We know we rule.

GoRuck NYC Challenge 2012 - Class 244 (Team 3) Sept 8 - Sept 9

The GoRuck Challenge.  What the hell is a goruck?
go·ruck [verb go + verb ruck] noun ruck is short for rucksack (aka backpack), it's also a verb: to ruck is to move with a rucksack, and implies action, energy, and purpose.

What is the challenge?

Rental Car Rally 2012 - NYC to Montreal

Imagine getting some of your buds together and taking a road trip from let's say NYC to umm hmm Montreal.  Ok.  Now let's say one of your crazy friends says 'Hey let's go as Braveheart characters..just cause".  Sure!  Why not!  Why stop there.  Let's dress the car up in fancy tartan (it's plaid..are you stupid!) and paint Haggis and Shite that looks like dripping blood on the sides of our door.  But wait.. i don't want to do this to my own car soooooo ... let's rent a car instead??  AWESOME.. but wait... its a boooorrrrinnngggg  6hr drive to Montreal.  Since we are dressed up like idiots, let's make it even more fun and go find some wacky roadside attractions on the way!  OK - says the car full of costumed idiots.. 

.... is probably how the conversation started from the Rental Car Rally creators some years back.  This weekend i got to participate for the first time and i must say it truly was a blast.  

Better inspiration than the Olympics?

Its that time again. The olympics are here.  A time when dreams come true for thousands of athletes as they compete against the world's best for the chance of winning that medal for their country.   This is also a time where young kids sit in front of a television watching every second knowing that one day they too can be a part of this.  The olympics can be defined in 1 word; inspiration.  Ok. maybe 2; dedication. Ok.  Actually maybe 10; a lot of fucking work and time on your hands.

But there is something that is more inspiring than the olympics.  Something that doesnt require dedication or a lot of fucking time on your hands.

Trailer to the first movie in the new The Ava Rose Saga: Ava Rose - The Infant

A first look at the most anticipated movie of the year and the first in the trilogy...

The Ava Rose Saga:  Ava Rose - The Infant

Just one of those mornings..

I'm sure everyone has had one of "those mornings" well i got you beat.  Probably not but its a funny story.  Not funny at the time but funny now...i think..

Lately our 11 week daughter Ava has been sleeping through the night.  For those who are parents will know that this is the greatest thing since the creation of to happen.  Having your baby sleep is like winning the lottery.  Well, for my wife it is.  She lets me sleep and takes the night shift as i get my zzzz's.  This is temporary, however, until she goes back to work after Labor Day and then im on nightly baby duties every other day.  Regardless, when Ava gets sleep, my wife gets sleep which, in turn, makes me very happy.  So, needless to say, i woke up in a rather good mood.  

Made in China

We recently have been entertaining our precious angel Ava by strapping objects from her car seat handle so they hang in front of her.  This is more or less just a tactic to get our daughter to stop crying and be entertained for a little while.  It worked.  The fun little toys that we hung in her car seat certainly did the trick as she stared at them intently as if they were some live creature from a land far away aka China.  It didnt take too long until i noticed something.  Actually I noticed it immediately when i saw it.  When i said to my wife the obvious she said "No way" and laughed it off.  Me, on the other hand, was petrified of what our little Ava was being "seduced" by.

Did I get punk'd? My Craigslist Experience

A couple weeks ago I had the grand opportunity to experience either the greatest prank ever designed on me or a major type o.  Regardless, for 6 hours I was technically overwhelmed..

Here is how it went down...

I'm at work and I receive a phone call on my cell at approximately 1:49 PM. It's a Hackensack number and I'm unsure of it but i decide to answer anyway. 

"Hello", I say expecting a "This is Honda calling from Hackensack inviting you to our 3 day sales event" pitch, but instead i get a "Hi, is this Joe?" in a grisly manly voice.  

Should I Accept My Mother's Facebook Friend Request?

The unthinkable happened....

Arlene Scannelli is my mother  (I changed my last name to Bartosiewicz because i thought it sounded cooler.) and as you can see the inevitable happened.  She friend requested me.  As i stated in my end-of-the-world-blog it was only a matter of time until Momma Scannelli joined Facebook.  

Bad Parenting 101 - a Blog by Ava Bart

Sup yall.  This is Ava Bart.  I hacked into Dad's blogger and Facebook to give you an idea of how Mommy and Daddy are doing as parents.  I have to hurry because Dad is going to notice his MacBook missing and as far as they know I'm not supposed to be doing anything but laying, crying, and sleeping...

Just a little summary of what i have been going through for the last 6 weeks with my new "parents". 

This baby thing is awesome.  The parents totally think that because i am only 6 weeks old that i cant walk and talk.  Think again!  I'm blogging for christs sakes!  There is nothing better than getting pampered 24/7.  All you got to do is cry and they come running to your rescue. The best part is seeing what they try to do to get me to stop crying. I emailed a couple of my friends i met at the maternity ward and they

Breaking News - Colic Calm is the new drug for infants

There is a new drug on the street for infants and its called Colic Calm Gripe Water.  Some may know it as simply Gripe or Black Drank, due to its black dark color, but it is slowly taking over America.  

What is Colic Calm? 

Colic Calm is a Gripe Water which is a liquid intended to relieve gas or discomfort in babies.  There are many gripe waters and they all seem to have their own recipe but the brand Colic Calm seems to have the perfect mixture. 

Cabbage Patch T*ts

As the definition clearly implies, cabbage is a vegetable and should be eaten..not worn.  Worn?  Let's just say that this blog post may be crossing the boundaries of marital bliss.  In fact, i may be sleeping in the garage - since we dont have a dog house - after the woman in my life reads this.  However, when you have a good subject to write about there is nothing that can stop you!

Jesus has returned and is living in our home...

Yes folks.. Jesus has returned and is now living in our home in disguise.  It happened 3 nights ago.  The skies opened.  There was some thunder.  Do you remember?  And apparently an eclipse.  Sometime during this period, Jesus came down from the heavenly skies and made his way into our home. 

It started early this week.  For 3 nights, our baby has been "fussy". It starts at 10PM..almost on the dot.  For those who read my prior blogs, 3 Peat and Hiccups = Devil's Whisper, (if you didn't then please read them now.. i promise they are funny), then you will know that our little precious Ava becomes Satan during this time.  For about 3 hours our little Ava is possessed by the unholiest of ghosts.  Her head spins and i believe she grunts out "I HATE YOU" in her little strange noises that come out of her mouth and butt.  During "Satan time" we have been shit on, peed on and spit up on.  I believe our little Ava has been speaking redrum talk under her brea…

The 3-peat - 1 Sh*tty Situation

Last night I personally got to experience what every parent experienced, i can assume,  one time in their life.  I have officially named this the 3-Peat as there is no other way to put it.  Michael Jordan had 2 3-peats as did Kobe Bryant.  But this isn't basketball championships we are talking about here.  No siree.  This is the performance of a little person named Ava who decided to shit, pee and spitup on Daddy all in a 3hr period.. the 3-peat.

Where to begin...

Hiccups = The Devil's Whisper

For an adult, hiccups are annoying.  They come out of nowhere and you usually begin your ritual of cures to get rid of them.  Somehow or another they seem to go away and then do not return for quite some time; sometime even months.

For a baby, especially an infant, they are adorable.  Nothing cuter than watching a newborn bounce up while making a little "meep" noise out of its cute little mouth, right?  No.  The only time this is acceptable is the following situations:

The baby is an infant and literally just came out of mommy's belly to exhibit this cute and funny hiccup routine for the first time.  The baby is not yours.

Breaking News - The Bart's on People Cover

Breaking News:  Rose and Danny showcase their first baby pics to People magazine.  Word on the street is People paid a hefty amount of money for this cover shot.  

"Brangelina can suck it!", says Danny Bart.  Check it out: also got a sneak peak of Daddy Bart strolling his baby around on her first baby walk!

Check out Trials and Tribulations of a New Father!!

Birds are Dicks!

After my first week of being a father i can say that it truly is life changing and a remarkable feeling.  To know that my wife and i created life is mind boggling.. and for those who know me.. fcking scary!  I would like to say that our first full week of being home alone with the baby has been interesting. We were very lucky with our little Ava as for the first few days only made a whimper when she was hungry.  Well, somehow, that has all changed.. but thats another blog.  This blog is all about birds!!

8 Jobs I DONT Want My Daughter To Have

Now that my little munchkin is a week old i think about how quick the time has gone.  Before long she will be walking and talking, throwing up all over me, pooping on the potty instead of Daddy's hands when changing diaper, playing with my iPhone, eating everything that goes near her mouth (watch it!), having nightmares and running into Mommy and Daddy's room in the middle of the night scaring the shit out of us, leaving us for Kindergarten then grade school, playing an instrument that she doesn't want to play, getting sent to the principles office because she is like her Daddy,

The Barts - Ava Rose Comes Home

Coming to a TV near you..  
THE BARTS - Ava Rose Comes Home

The Breast Situation

The Breast Situation I can get VERY personal here but for marriage and personal safety i will not. I will simply say that my wife is "attempting" breast feeding and so far it has been very very interesting.  To start, immediately getting in our new room a couple hours after her surgery in the hospital, we had several nurses attacking Rose's watermelons.  I say this in a pleasant way because they are monstrous.. like porn star good.  Any other day i would be excited to see nurses grabbing and squeezing my wife's breasts but I dont know.  I think seeing the baby being born.. the blood.. the placenta and many other things sort of made me a little grown up. Ok.. i wont lie.. i got a little "movement" in the first few minutes of seeing 3 woman in action on my wife's breast but once the baby's head went near it things went south if you know what i mean..wink wink.  

My Rollercoaster of Emotions Pregnancy Experience

On Friday, May 4 @ 2:18PM we welcomed little Ava Rose Bartosiewicz into this world.  The below is a broken up description as to what we went through to get where we are today.  With all so much going on, the blog is broken up over a few days.  The first day is the most emotional as it was less than 24 hours.  Everything after is me realizing that Im still the ass i was the day before she was born. 

BREAKING NEWS: Nutley, NJ Mom puts 5yr old in tanning booth.

This just in.. actually yesterday but i was busy.. 

Nutley NJ, the place i reside,  makes headline news ... Thanks Patricia Krentcil!! This is AWESOME!!!! 

Aint Nutting but a G Thang BABAAAY

My wife's 38th week of pregnancy is coming and very soon we will be getting a knock on our door from the stork with a little bundle of joy. "Oh how i wish this is how it was" is definetly what my wife is saying reading this now.  And so as we approach "D-Day" many things are beginning to go through my mind.  

Will i be a great father?  How many times a day do we need to feed her?  Will she sleep through the night?  Can i have sex with my wife in front of the baby?  Is my life over?

These are all pretty much standard thoughts that one should have, i assume, before your world is turned upside down when becoming a parent.  But there is really 1 BIG question that i pose; 1 that i am VERY concerned about. My question is this:

The Perineal Massage..

My wife is approaching her 37th week of pregnancy.  Apparently, in your 37th week you are supposed to begin massaging your perineum.  "What's a perineum", you asked as so did i?  The perineum is basically the taint.  "Ahhhh.. ok.  I get it.  But massage it??", is what i asked.  Yes, massaging it helps with the pain when the baby crowns during childbirth.  "So just rub it or sumthin?" (in Chip Chipperson voice .. Opie and Anthony fans anyone??)  Not quite.. 
Here are the instructions on how to successfully massage your perineum:

BREAKING NEWS: Kim Kardashian for MAYOR??

Kim Kardashian has been caught on tape stating that she will be seeking election of mayor of the grand ol city of Glendale, California in 2017:

“I decided I’m going to run for the mayor of Glendale,” Kim says. “It’s going

The name "Dad" is soooo played out...

Dad.  Daddy. Pa. Papa.  Seriously??  Every man in the world that is a father has this name.  Why not change shit up a bit.  Who says i have to be called Dad anyways?? 

There are billions of fathers in the world but why are we called "Dad".. here's why:

BREAKING NEWS: Mad Men's January Jones eats her placenta!!

It seems the post pregnant celebrities are all the rage these last couple weeks.  First, you had Alicia Silverstone Kiss-Feeding her baby and now you have January Jones eating her placenta.  Yes, she ate her own placenta, in vitamin form if that makes a difference. 

A Father-to-Be Perspective Pt1 - The 3 Main Questions...

Most people wait at least 3 months to tell the world they are pregnant.  We waited 2 days. I am not happy about this but that it is just how it happend.  When my wife told me the wonderful news on Monday, Sept 12, we thought about how long we would wait.  1 month, 2, the standard 3.  Well, we waited literally 27 hours to tell her parents.  Then, of course, at her parents house, her mom insisted that we call her brother. So we did. Then we HAAAD to call her Grandmother who just so happened and convienently be at her aunt's house with some other aunt and uncles as well.  So when we left the house that night, almost half of her family already knew the news. Quite honestly, i believe her whole family knew by the time we walked to the car and got in it.  I waited till the weekend to tell my parents.  Unlike Rose's family, mine didnt say a word.  I think they forgot all about it when we left.  We had all of our close friends over 2 weeks later and BOOM all of our family and friends …

BREAKING NEWS: Alicia Silverstone chews food for baby!!

Alicia Silverstone, the fun-loving, clueless, attractive blond from the movies of yesteryear and Aerosmith videos, has a new video out. No, its not her dancing around in her underwear, as we hoped, like in her Aerosmith years.  Instead, the proud-to-be-vegan, posted a video of herself feeding her child.  Awwwww, you may think.  However, after watching the video you will say out loud WHAT THE FUCK!!?

Apparently, Alicia feeds her son Bear Blu ( I will add this to my collection on my celebrity baby name blog post ) by pre-chewing his food for him.  Then, spitting in his mouth for him to eat.  Yes, you read that correctly.  She eats her food, chews it really good, then spits it in his mouth.  I can't make this shit up.  She says (regarding the video):

The Movie Theater Experience

Last night my wife and i got the opportunity to see The Hunger Games. It was a fantastic movie.  But this is not a Hunger Games review.  No.  Instead, this is a review, or a vent i should say, on the movie theater experience in general and how people suck. 

Let me start by saying that i am a HUGE movie buff. I worked at a video store, West Coast Video, for many years when i was younger.  I actually met my wife there..but thats a later blog.  Working at the store i had access to thousands and thousands of movies.  I fell in love with the simplicity of being able to step away from your life for 2 hours and entering a completely new world offered in front of you on the big screen.  I enjoy watching a movie in the theatres and i hope that it will forever be this way.  However, bad things seem to come along with good things and this is some of them. 

The Baby Shower and The Butterfly Effect

Today was our baby shower.  Actually it was my wife's shower for our baby.  That's how i should state it.  Saying "our" shower is a misunderstanding.  The only thing that i was needed for was to drop Rose off at the restaurant, then go back a few hours later to pick all the gifts up, load the car and bring them back to the house.   I think i did the same for our wedding shower.  So yes, maybe "our" shower is the correct way to say it.  Rose was showered with love and gifts and i was showered with sweat and drizzling rain.  Yay me..

Tebow is coming.. and what this means for the Tri-State area

Tim Tebow is now a Jet.  Here is what the tri-state area should expect in the next year.

Timsanity, TimSpiration, Tim Effort, are just some of the stupid sayings we will hear nonstop on a daily basis.  This will spark a major battle between Linsanity fans and now Timsanity fans. Timsanity will TimSpire the Occupy Wall Street crew to change their name to Occupy Church and take it to the churches.

My mom + Facebook = The Apocalypse

As you all know by now, the world will be ending this year at December 21, 2012.  This, of course, is because the Mayan calendar ends at this date.  Therefore, it has to be true.  When this does happen, because it will, alien scholars will look back thousands of years later to try to determine the end of the human species.  I believe, I have already found this reason and it is because of me. I am to blame for what is to happen and i will explain why...

Let's start at the beginning... 

Our Infant Care Class Experience

I'm sure you have heard of the saying "babies dont come with instructions".  Well, I can certainly say that this is no longer true as we received our packet on how to raise our baby after attending a 3hr how-to class at the hospital Rose works at.  Apparently, all it takes is 3 hours to learn how to change a babies diapers, stop it from crying, bathe and cleanse, when and how to feed and of course how to hold a baby.  With the knowledge we have obtained today, I think it is safe to say that we should be able to run a daycare center if necessary.  By all means, that is a HUGE joke!

The class was nice.  It was definitely intuitive and it made us aware of things we didn't know, such as, my wife needs to use a booster seat when we are in the car and babies have a suck reflex that requires them to try to suck anything you put by their mouth.  Apparently, kids have to be in booster seats up until they are 4 foot 9.  For personal and marriage commitment reasons, i will not s…

My morning Starbucks experience...

As i sip my Starbucks coffee this morning, i think about my recent Starbucks "smug" encounter and so i decided to write about it.

Today is Friday; bagel day at work.  It is my turn to get bagels.. booo.  So I decide to be a nice co-worker and pick up a fresh box of Starbucks coffee as a nice gesture.  I was in a fantastic mood.  It's drizzling out which means the humidity is high which also means that my sinuses are bothering me.  The roads are wet.  Their was traffic on my way in. I was overcharged for my bagels.  Did i mention its drizzling out?  Of course, i am NOT in a fantastic mood.  As i enter Starbucks, I think Ahh, i havent had coffee in awhile (im a green tea drinker. dont judge).  What a great treat., having no idea what i was about to go through.

I walk in.  Ahead of me i see 2 young men; perhaps late 20's, mid 30s.  I say "young" because, Im 33 and consider myself young.  They are both wearing that face that clearly shows that the universe would …

My experience at my wife's very first INTERNAL ultrasound!!!

"I'm pregnant".  These 2 simple words put together can mean many different things to many different people.  I, for one, was estatic.  Wait, estatic?  Ok, maybe that is not the correct word.  Surprised?  Yes. Excited?  Yes.  Scared shit? Yes.  It wasnt like we were planning it, as we drove the "we-are-not-being-careful" car for awhile.  What was i to think?  Eventually one of my little space cadets would find its way "home".  So hearing these 2 simple words for the first time being directed at me was a shock.  Immediately, in my head I heard tiny little Danny Barts saying "Will i be a good father?", "Do we have enough room in this house?", "How will this change us?", "Will this child be bad ass like me?", "Did I leave the iron on?".  Ok, that last one was not going on in my head.  At least not at that moment.  I hugged my crying wife, still shocked and made my way upstairs to find; not 1, not 2, but 3 …

My recent Dr visit..

Just recently i had the grand opportunity to get my annual physical.  Annual?  Should be more like every 6 years as this is the last time i have been to the doctors.  Having 0 insurance prior to marriage (im an independent consultant.. yes i am fancy), i am now on my wife's which allows me to only use Dr's that are in the hospital network in which she works at.  I decided that, with the baby coming, it would be a good idea to get a physical to make sure that im in bad ass shape for my precious gift.  I pick a Dr, make an appointment, arrive at the place, fill out 17 pages of paperwork and here we go.. 

A night out with the Barts

Last night my wife and i had our "date" night. We went to queen Marguerita which is not too far from our house. Had a lovely meal. I had the fish. She had the pasta. Ava had mommys leftovers. We then had some coffee. I had an espresso and she had a cappuccino..yes she had caffeine relax people. After dinner i had this grand idea to go on a field trip to somewhere that i have always wanted to go to....

The Shoprite in Little Falls, off of 46 next to Passaic Valley high school!!!. I know what your thinking and i know it is true. I AM MR ROMANCE!!!


This should be the headline on every major newspaper and news source. The fact that somebody would stick their thing in that thing without protection is mind boggling.  Apparently that person is her boyfriend Jionni LaValle (by the way i had to google that name 14 times to spell it correctly).. OR   was it The Situation..{gasps}

The Snookster did too much smushing, and as a result kids, this is what happens.  She's doing a spinoff of her MTV Jersey Shore show at the moment but i believe they will instead do a spinoff of Teen Mom. Perhaps this will get young girls to not want to have sex anymore.

We found a pic of Snookie without makeup and her pregnant belly..

TV posts on new website

Hey guys.. if you are looking for my fantastic tv posts they are on a new site.  All my tv posts will be on here from now on.  OR... you can click on that little button above that says TV. That will take you straight there. hollaaaa

Please feel free to take a look around and let me know what you think. I have included a new way to follow by email where you will recieve an email everytime i post something.

Spread the love peoples.

Grammies or the Walking Dead??

Did anybody else get the feeling they were watching the premiere of the Walking Dead last night?  I mean I believe i was watching the Grammies but there was just sooo much old people singing or trying to sing that i actually forgot at one point what i was watching.

Ava Bart Challenge (ABC) - Challenge Accepted

Ava Bart Challenge aka ABC is in full effect. My first week of no alcohol until my daughter is born in May. Let me first by saying i am in no means an alcholic. In fact i maybe have a couple beers and some scotch on teh weekends during football. But now that football is over i dont see any issues doing this.

However, I have my first challenge coming up this weekend..

Tonight we got my buddy Lawrence Martin's bday.  Just a small get together at a bar near his house called  Morris Tap and Grill.  Now.. from what i have heard this place has over 30 beers on tap.. of course it does.  I LOVE  a good beer. So this will be my first major challenge.  In the words of Barney Stinson.. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Why i am doing this??  Well.. for one i work hard to look and feel good.  Im sure many of you know by my annoying posts on facebook and my constantly talking about it but i am a KrankaHolic.  I workout at my boy Pete Isip's place called Kra…

NY GIANTS WIN THE SUPERBOWL!!!! - im white girl wasted

Ok so here i bed..wasted.. blogging..about the giants winning superbowl 46.  And they werent supposed to.  In fact they werent even supposed to make the playoffs but they did and they won. And they won again. And again and again. And now the GREATEST again you can imagine..the superbowl against the mothafuking new england patriots just like 2007.

It is like a mirror of 2007. The differnence of course is that the Giants were nowhere as good as they were in 2007.  In 2007 they were 10-6.  This year 9-7.  They made it as a wildcard both years and like a kid in a candy store they let nobody stop them. Ok i have no idea what that means but both years they made it to the superbowl when they werent supposed to.  And both years they played against the patriots..and both years they beat them. Crazy.

So here i am..drunk after indulging in a huge mix of expensive scotch, beer and true blood shots.. yes true blood shots.  I am watching the replays over and over again on sports center sti…